Remember to smile...

Here we go...Friends?

2006-09-07T21:41:00.000-04:00

It's the opening game (first game, whatevs) of teh Stillers. I'm here at Matt's, checking my email, which turned into checking facebok and watching "Friends." Sh, Matt doesn't know. Is it sadthat I would rather be watching this instead of the game? Anyway, it's fun - lots of people are here, and it's great to catch up! On my second beer...heh. And, then, I have an 11 pmmeeting toniht that willgo on for several hours...

Anyway, senior is amazing. I love it. I can'te even describe it. Although, I was really upset the other day - very emotional, and I'm not sure wh. :( Anyway, I'm gonna head back downstairs, then go up and see Les, Ashe and Zph.

Oh! And I have a cast for "Liz"!! And they're amazing!!

I currently love love love my life. :D

First weekend at school and I'm so lame.

2006-09-03T01:30:00.000-04:00

Stayed in tonight because I'm sick. At the moment, it's 1:24 am and I'm wide awake - perhaps because I've been (restlessly) sleeping since about 7:30 in the evening. Perhaps because I keep getting hot, then cold. Perhaps because my mind keeps racing of things I have to do.

Or perhaps because some idiotic freshmen stood outside my window between London and Terrace, talking and screaming and doing some light thing that flashed. But that's fixed now, as I called campus police who came and scared them away.

Mama didn't raise no fool.

I don't know how I'm feeling now. Annoyed that I can't sleep. So I may try to do something productive, like work on the script, but I'm still kinda tired. I hate this. But Matt was awesome and got me meds, so hopefully I'll feel better soon.

Missed the party tonight. :( That really sucks.

Auditions are going along really well for "Liz." I'm quite excited about it, and feeling really good. And Julie Brown is awesome. This should be a fun show.

I've decided that I love being a senior. And I really like this year. Despite the fact that it's starting off with me being sick and living in an apartment mainly of annoying freshmen. I really like freshmen, and I think they are cute and it's so much fun to see their enthusiam. But don't come being all loud by my room at 1:00. Just don't do it.

Ok, I'm off to organize my planner or something.

Whoa.

2006-08-24T23:20:00.000-04:00

we're starting our senior year. and then we will graduate and go who-knows-where. and we will be leaving home. our families, our friends. we will be starting our lives. and that all happens in just one little, tiny year. this is so trippy.

i move in tomorrow. senior year starts in 4 days. i can't WAIT to see everyone.

when i think of senior year, i can't help but thinking of graduation, and this time next year. and i get....incredibly, stomach-flip-flopping excited. thrilled. and a bit scared and sad. but mainly excited.

in other news, trailer park is no more. but the book of liz will be here. with her cheese balls. and sweat. seriously. it's a great show.

omg. i'm going to be a senior.

yay!!!

Yay! People read my blog!

2006-08-14T14:14:00.000-04:00

That's always exciting.

I lead such a sad life.

Anyway, I was listening to Bat Boy BEFORE I found out about the rights issue, so that's why I think it's fate. Or perhaps I'm just trying too hard to see the sunny side of all of this.

So, the S'n'S 2k6 Homecoming show will be one of the following...
Company
See What I Wanna See
The Imaginary Invalid
The Book of Liz

I'm a fan of all of them. Yes, I kind of favor one the most, but you will never know which one that is, ha ha! I'm actually driving myself insane, though. Because until I find out, my mind keeps jumping from one to the other -- I'll start to figure out the set for one, then I start thinking about blocking for another. And I keep getting more and more excited about each one, which is good, I suppose.

In other news, the tents are up on campus for orientation. And it's bringing back all these memories of this time 3 years ago. When I stepped on this campus, I wanted to own it, to learn so much, and I wanted to make something of myself, to find best friends, to find people to love, to find myself. And, at the start of my senior year, I have to say, I've done everything that I wanted. And so this year is kind of the icing on the cake. And I can't wait.

Hold Me, Bat Boy

2006-08-10T11:31:00.000-04:00

Whoa. So I updated all my songs on my iTunes last night, and I put Bat Boy on my iPod and have been rocking out all day to it. And it's freaking me out a bit.

I haven't listened to really, any songs from it since then - that's almost 2 years, so now that I'm listening to it, it's all coming back. Know what I mean? Who I was at the time, what I felt - I mean, a song plays and these images and feelings rush towards me - the character I was playing onstage (I recall being very emotionally invested in my character of Agnes....very weird, I know, but I remember that), how I felt towards the other characters, and then all the "offstage" stuff - I remember where I was standing, how I tried to edge out someone else, or how I took a step back. I remember my note, or how (in the end of "Comfort and Joy") I totally made up a new note each night. So if someone was off pitch, it was probably me. I remember the costumes, the feel of them, of the stage, of looking around and how I felt towards each other.

It's so weird to travel back to that time because so much is different now. Relationships (both platonic and romantic), SnS stuff, just stuff in life. It's been a good journey down this path though - because I'm looking back on it with fond memories -- yes, there was some hardship, but in comparison to everything that we are going through today, who really cares about that? It's over, it's done - so when I look back, I'm actually feeling all warm about it. I really miss everyone, though.

And, it's odd to think about Homecoming - I'm listening to the music, and for a split second I think, "Omg, I hope I get in the Homecoming show!" and then I remember...I'm directing. Not that I ever really forget, but I'm just so excited and it's so new for me (I directed a Feb. play, not a Homecoming musical, big difference I think)....

Besides the current worldly crisis, to which I woke up on the news and immediately had flashbacks to 9/11 as I'm sure we all did, life is relatively good. Or great, even. I've unforntuantely realized that not only can I still not spell unforntunately (nor do I care to learn), but life is always a struggle. When you think you've won something, you really haven't. It's just taking a rest to gear up again with more force. So you gear up, too. Put together your troops and defend yourself. It's never easy (ha, that's a lyric from my show!), but you have to try. Because if you don't, you'll end up looking in the past and hating yourself. Which is a terrible feeling.

That made sense to no one but me, probably.

Hey, if you read this, can you let me know? I'll probably still post regardless, but it would be interesting to know if anyone actually reads this at all....oh, Lord, now no one is going to post and I'm going to be the loser with the blog that no one reads....

Eh, whatevs.

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around...

2006-08-02T15:51:00.000-04:00

Sweeney Todd is in my head. But only Act I, as I do not have Act II. Which troubles me greatly because all of my favorite songs are in Act II. This weekend, I will get Act II from Matt. And it will make me very happy to have Act II. Have I said Act II enough?

Speaking of Matt, I'm seeing him tomorrow!!! Eek! He's the best. Ever. Sent me a sweet (double-meaning...) fruit bouquet!! So tasty and wonderful. I can't wait to see him; and I can't wait for school to start to everyone is back together again in CMUland; it's empty here without Matt, Danielle, Ashe, etc.

Went on a road trip to D.C. with Les to visit Danielle this past weekend (check out photos on Facebook) - we had a delightful time! Danielle's family is ridonkulously amazing, I have to say. And I loved that we got to swim in a pool!! I haven't done that in YEARS! It was a great trip, overall (despite the awful "show" that we saw...don't get me started.)

SO excited to go to Jersey this weekend. We're going into the city on Friday to have dinner with Ashe at this Cuban place -- and I can legally order a drink in NYC! How exciting!! Then, on Sunday, we may go to Ocean City, NJ - which is my absolute favorite place in the entire world.

I have much more interesting things to say, but I'm bored with writing and I don't think that anyone reads this anyway, so why write in it when I have a paper journal?

39 more minutes of work...

No more "Katie Dahl"...

2006-07-24T16:07:00.000-04:00

because now it's "Katie Dai." When we were on the way to the tea on Saturday morning, I realized this and freaked out and started crying. Such a girly girl.

So, the fabulous Dahl-Dai wedding weekend was....well, fabulous. The whole being a bridesmaid deal was even more fantastic that I imagined. It was so wonderful to get to know the members of the bridal party and Katie and Scott's families -- by Saturday night, after all we had been through, we couldn't believe that some of us had just met 48 hours ago.

There was craziness (such as Audrey, Elisabeth and I having to use 3 different rooms to shower and sleep in....if you want a good story some time, just ask me), but that made it all the better. Every moment was magical, I have to say. And the wedding itself was simply beautiful - the rain came, then left, then came again, then left for good, leaving us with a blue sky and sunshiney afternoon. The reception was also a blast -- good music, good food, good toasts. And ending the night by going out with people to Eat 'n Park at 1 am was a perfect end to it all.

Still really tired this morning - none of us really slept over the weekend, but that's all part of the fun! And life is just gonna keep on coming - going to D.C. this weekend with Les, then Jersey the next weekend!!

Still though, for as much as I have to look forward to, I'm a bit sad. Their wedding was sobering time in a way -- I said to Aaron, "You do realize that this will be the next 10 years of life? Going to the weddings of our friends and all?" And it's true. When I walked down the aisle, my heart was thumping so hard - party because I was afraid of falling, partly because I was so thrilled for them, and partly because it was more real to me this time (rather than the last time I was in a wedding, which was when I was 8). Like, I could possibly be walking down the aisle myself (as a bride) in the next 10, 15 years - and being 21 right now, 10 or 15 years doesn't seem so far away - and to be honest, that's kind of terrifying. Really terrifying.

But anyway, kinda sad it's all over -- there was so much hype, it was so much fun, it's just a bit of a let down. But life will continue and be fabulous.

Congratulations to Katie & Scott!!

A wedding AND a Magnolia cupcake?! Life doesn't get much better than this.

2006-07-21T11:04:00.000-04:00

That's right. My wonderful Ashe brought me back a delicious, fantastic Magnolia cupcake - all the way from the Village, for my birthday!! She's the best, really. :)

The wedding has finally arrived! At work now, then I get out at 2:00, take the bus downtown to my dad's office where I will ready myself for the evening, and then it all starts! Dress rehearsal, girl time, the tea, the hair, the make-up, the photos, the wedding, the reception! It's going to be fabulous. :) Just think of happy thoughts of sunshine and no rain!

One week and 6 hours from this moment, I will be heading to D.C. with Les to visit Danielle!

Two weeks from this moment, I will be in Jersey with my Matt!

Life is so great!

It's been a while...

2006-07-07T15:22:00.000-04:00

About a month since I've updated. What to tell?

Finished my time at Stonestreet. The last two days included getting really drunk, being really hungover, and going to a mid-afternoon party with 30 bottles of champagne. Awesome.

Flew into Pgh one week ago today. Can't believe time flew so quickly.

Had a 21st birthday bash last weekend with the fam. Big party on Sunday, then a smaller one on the 4th. Overall, it was amazing. Great food, fantastic people, awesome time. The only thing missing from it was Matt.

Working at Hunt ILL now, which I do love. But am homesick for NYC. Like whoa. I am meant to be there next year, I think. Also missing Matt.

Big things coming up?
1. The wedding! Katie and Scott's, that is. 2 weeks from tomorrow. :)
2. Visiting Danielle in D.C.! Last weekend in July!
3. Visiting Matt! First weekend in August!

Otherwise, I am doing nothing but watching Gilmore Girls with my mom, catching up on reading and writing, and Jazzercising my little heart out. I'm an exciting girl, babe.

I've been looking over my past blog enteries, and they have told me a lot about myself. A lot.

Since work is slow this afternoon, I decided to be silly and indulge my secret (maybe not so secret) addiction to online quizzes and whatnot. Here we go (the original one was done on May 30 2005, if you would like to see a reference. And if you, you really have no life. Quit paying attention to this and go play outside.)

LAYER ONE:

full name: Courtney Germaux Kochuba
birth date: July 4, 1985
birthplace: Pittsburgh, PA
current location: the 'Burgh
eye color: Brown
hair color: Red Auburn
height: 5'5"
Righty or lefty: Righty.

LAYER TWO:

your heritage: 50% Polish. The other 50% is mainly French (from Alsace-Lorraine) then English and German
the shoes you wore today: Copper flip flops from Old Navy
your weaknesses: Peanut butter and chocolate. Seriously. On a different tone, I'm too controlling sometimes, perhaps? And sometimes I don't have a thick enough skin. There are many others, but I won't bore you with them here. (Ha ha, there's one! Admitting my weaknesses is a weakness! Ok, not really....)
your perfect pizza: Ok, there are many kinds, but the perfect...pepperoni and onion. Yum. I totally want pizza for dinner.
goal you'd like to achieve: I want to start or help expand an organiztion that aids young women with eating disorders. Also, I want to do something in my faith; perhaps become a Lutheran minister at some point. Selfishly, I want to win an Oscar or Tony. And I want to get married and have kids. Mostly, I just want to be happy.

LAYER THREE:

your most overused phrase on AIM: Hm...awesome?
your thoughts first waking up: Get up, come on, you can do it!
your bedtime: Haaaaa. It varies. Lately, been 11:00 pm.
your most missed memory: What does that even mean? Um...I guess time with my Grandma, who passed away when I was 16.

LAYER FOUR:

pepsi or coke: Depends on my mood. Coke = home, familiar. Pepsi = cool, rocking out. Don't ask why.
mcdonald's or burger king: Wendy's.
single or group dates: Single
adidas or nike: Nike.
iced tea or nestea: As long as it's diet, it doesn't matter.
chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate!!!
cappuccino or coffee: Non-fat, no-whip mocha, please.

LAYER FIVE:

smoke: No. Though sometimes the smell of cigarettes and cloves makes me feel all warm inside. Don't know why.
curse: Lately, when I'm drunk, I curse every so often, and then I feel really guilty about it the next day.
sing: Oh dear Lord, all the time.
take a shower everyday: Yup. I'm not a CS major.
have a crush: On Johnny Depp, Heath Ledger, and Orlando Bloom.
do you think you've been in love: Most definitely
do you want to go to college?: I did and I am.
like(d) high school: You know what? I really did.
want to get married: Most definitely yes.
believe in yourself: Yes!!
think you're attractive: My confidence has being growing stronger lately, so I'm just gonna say, "Yes. I think I'm hot."
think you're a health freak: Ha ha....yes, a little bit. Though, I enjoy chocolate and fries and other greasy, unhealthy food. But I still eat well, exercise every day, etc.
get along with your parent(s): Without a doubt.
like thunderstorms: Terrified of them.
play an instrument: I played trombone for about 10 years.

LAYER SIX:

In the past month...

drank alcohol: Oh, yes.
smoked: No.
done a drug: No.
made out: Yup.
gone on a date: Many times. :)
gone to the mall?: 3 times!
eaten an entire box of oreos: I wish. I did eat half of a small box for a scene, though.
eaten sushi: Yes!
been dumped: Nope.
gone skating: No. And I should change that.
made homemade cookies: No. And that will be fixed in the next week or so.
gone skinny dipping: Nope, but I want to.
dyed your hair: Nope.
stolen anything: No.

LAYER SEVEN:

Ever...

played a game that required removal of clothing: Nope...but I would...I think.
if so, was it mixed company: Look above.
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Oh yeah.
been caught "doing something": That would be a no.
been called a tease: Well, by one person...
gotten beaten up: Dear Lord, who are you and why are you asking these questions?
shoplifted: Nope. I'm a good girl.
changed who you were to fit in: ....no. No.

LAYER EIGHT:

age you hope to be married: I don't have an age. But, I want to be married.
numbers and names of children: Um, I don't have a number - used to think 3, but it really doesn't matter. Now I'm thinking 2. Or whatever. Names? Perhaps Emma, Theo, Christopher, Jackson (Jacks for short - how cute is that?)
describe your dream wedding: I don't have enough time to type it. But it's all planned out. It's romantic, late-afternoon with an elegant party to follow-up. I have every detail planned. And it will be amazing. Clearly.
how do you want to die: Peacefully. With love and forgiveness in my heart.
where you want to go to college: CMU's been treating me well.
what do you want to be when you grow up: An actress.
what country would you most like to visit: France.

I need YOUR help!

2006-06-07T22:05:00.000-04:00

So. For those of you who know me as an actor, please read on...

I'm trying to come up with a list of qualities that I have (acting-wise) that can be connected with celebrities' qualities. For example, someone told me that I have comedic timing like Debra Messing, the charm of Julia Roberts, and the charmisa of Matthew Broderick (I'm not saying all of those are true, lol). It's for a fun, silly little project, so if you wanna help me out, that'd be great. I'm looking for anything physically or acting-wise that connects me to celebrities (film or stage).

If you could post comments, let me know. Thanks, guys!!

Rain, rain, go away....

2006-06-07T08:58:00.000-04:00

I normally don't mind rain. In fact, I usually like it. Love it, even. But only when I don't have to look pretty. Which I do today. This is the first time in the 4 weeks that I've been here that I wished I were home, snuggled down in my bed. Then, I would roll out of it, read some, watch some tv, and probably bake cookies.

Wow. I seriously cannot wait to go home.

On the other hand, last night reminded me once again just how much I love this city. Matt and I went out to a really nice dinner (rather than seeing a show) at this seafood place - it was one of the best meals I've had in a long time; and it ended with chocolate fondue, which is just plain fantastic. Then we walked, like 70 blocks home. You certainly get your exercise.

Up early to memorize a scene for soap opera. During this scene, we do have an ST moment. We hold the moment for 3 beats, standing very close to each. Anyone know what ST is?

Anyway, It's 9:00 am, and I need to finish this, then get ready for the day. Le sigh. I'm only here another 2 and a half weeks. And while I'm excited to be home with my family, I'm incredibly, terribly sad to leave.

I'll just think about it tomorrow.

Perfect NYC Weekend

2006-05-28T11:51:00.000-04:00

Ok, call me a dork, but I had two of THE BEST nights in NYC that a girl can have.

I went to the Cabaret at Matt's former high school on Thursday night - was so much fun! They sang songs from movies and musicals, which I just loved. And it was fun to meet some of his friends - everyone loves him too, I feel like I'm dating Mr. Popular. However, I was dismayed that so many people called him Matty or Matty J....for whatever reason, I thought we (S'n'S, especially Danielle) came up with that. :( It was a lot of fun, though.

Took the train into the city with him on Friday, then we went out separate ways and then I had a fantastic day at class -- our teacher was late, so we all just chilled eith each other.

Then. Here comes the awesome part.

Friday evening, Matt and I went to the MET, which was awesome - we covered most of the museum - I'd like to go back and take my time more perhaps, but it was pretty fantastic. The Egyptian artifacts were my favorite I think. So we do that, then decide to go to the West Side for dinner (it's around 9 pm now). We cut across Central Park and end up walking around this beautiful pond (like the kind they talk about in "Last 5 Years") - so romantic and just this movie-esque feeling.

We then tried to go to this French place, but it had closed already, so we just kept walking. It was just starting to rain when we found this adorable little Italian place (around 10ish). We ate there, it was delicious with a cozy atmosphere, then by the time we left, the rain had stopped but the sidwalks were still all shiny and wet. How perfect was that?

Yesterday, after walking 80 blocks (walked 100 today - I'm a gal who knows how to get her exercise, ha ha) and going to the Farmer's Market across the street (too cute!), I went out with Darren. Had a blast! Went to Da Burger Joint - greasy, fantastic burgers and fries. We stayed there for, like, 2 hours, then walked around the West Village (ca-razy, ca-razy) and went to Magnolia Bakery -- I had heard of the place before - they have AMAZING cupcakes. Like, I can't even tell you. It's like tasting heaven. Actually, the heaven part was tasting the samples of peanut butter cookies right when they came out of the oven. Darren and I decided that when you get to heaven, it tastes like that all the time.

Anyway, we had to stand outside in a line, then we got in -- the cupcakes are so cute and pretty, with AMAZING, thick, sugary frosting. We ate them in this little park across the way. Got home around midnight.

So, yeah, I've had one of the best weekends ever. Off now to do a bit of graduation-present shopping at Barnes and Nobles, then I'm going to the Basket (Basking Ridge, NJ that is) for Matt's parent's anniversary dinner. We're then planning a movie marathon...I know on the list in "West Side Story" and "When Harry Met Sally"....we are such dorks. Staying over there tonight, then coming back to the city tomorrow -- and hopefully, I get to see Ashe!!

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Hope that you are having as swell a time as I am.

Did I just say swell? I amaze myself.

Life is grand.

2006-05-24T20:50:00.000-04:00

Stonestreet is amazing. I'm learning so much, I can't believe it - and I've gone in front of some agents, which is always exciting....But, yeah, even in just one and a half weeks, I've gained so much knowledge - this is what I want to do. Film, then theatre, or maybe theatre, then film - I don't know that yet. But acting. Acting is it. I haven't felt this connected to acting in such a long time, it's truly amazing. It's like discovering myself all over again - and I'm gaining confidence, too; and I actually expected to lose some during these 6 weeks, so it's nice that it's the opposite.

Living in Union Square is proving to be awesome. I'm starting to love NYC - still finding my way around, but it's slowly coming. And it's so cool to be here because so many people are here - Sczerban called me today, and I'm having lunch with him tomorrow. And then there's Tys and Ashe coming up, and some people from my internship in Hollywood last summer - everyone comes and goes here, so it's great. Oh, and I'm seeing Darren on Saturday!!!! I can't wait!!! And of course, there is my Matt, who came all the way downtown just to have a 20-minute lunch with me today. :D He's quite the best, I have to say.

Have gone to Basking Ridge (Matt's home) already and loved it - it's so cute! Going there tomorrow to see a choir concert, then going back over Memorial Day weekend. So much fun!

People in my program are awesome nice - and they like me! At least, I think they do, ha ha. And I like them, which is cool.

Other news to report....I don't think so. My roommate here, Jen, is really cool and nice -- her two friends are moving in here this weekend and I think it'll go well with them.

I burnt a piece of pita bread in the micro (who knew it burnt in the micro?), so my whole apartment smeels. It's great.

And I can look across the street and watch this guy in his apartment b/c he has all the drapes pulled back. It's like my own tv. Very cool. And way weird. Does this make me weird that I watch him?

Ok...I think that's it. Oh, I saw 3 (yes 3) Broadway shows last week. And I loved them all. And, now, I'm off to memorize lines.

I totally love my life right now.

New York, New York

2006-05-13T01:10:00.000-04:00

I leave for the city in 5 hours!

I just finished packing!

I'm so excited all of a sudden!

And so exhausted!

I want to sleep for 5 days straight! (Hm. Could that ever happen? Hey, friends and family, that's a good birthday gift idea - 5 days of sleep.)

OMG!!!!!1

Serioulsy, sleep needs to happen now. Thank goodness my Daddy is driving up there and not me!

A minute without you...

2006-05-07T16:49:00.000-04:00

A bit blue today because (I'll admit), I'm kinda sad that the Board's trip to Ritter's was last night and now I'm no longer on the Board. But, then I took a long walk today and am in a settled, semi-happy mood.

The '05-'06 Board was so much fun; we hung out all the time, and we will (hopefully) do that next year - minus Cto :( - but it's still not the same. And, no, I wouldn't want to be on the Board again this year, but it doesn't mean that I'm not a little wistful. My emotional side hit me last night as I sat in the office typing up my director's proposal for Homecoming. SotR is over. All the wonderful seniors (Tys, Beej, Cto, Sara, etc.) are leaving. Leaving. And soon we'll all be gone for the summer. And, next year, we'll be seniors and then I'll be leaving. And....I just became incredibly sad.

And then, at Ritter's, as I looked around at the new Board, I felt (for the first time in my life) old. It was an odd feeling, but it was there. And I think it made me a bit wistful, but also (strangely enough) happy.

On that note, I'm off to shower and then start all the crazy final work. Here we go.

Well, I woke up this morning
and the night had been so long.
It seeems that I had
had my mind on you.
Well the day, it has begun,
and I can't get a minute,
can't get a minute without you.
You're always on my mind,
you're always in my head.
And I can't live,
I can't live another day without you.
'Cause when the minutes
seem like hours
and the hours seem like days,
then a week goes by
you know it takes my breath away.
All the minutes in the world
could never take your place.
There's one-thousand-four-hundred-forty hours in my day.

Do bop shu do.

2006-04-24T15:15:00.000-04:00

It's sleeping weather outside. And so, there is nothing more than I would like to do that snuggle down in my bed (all doped up on cold meds) and read and sleep. How fantastic would that be?

Instead, I'm doing all of the work that I should have done over Carnival. Though, Carnival was awesome, so I'm not complaining.

3 weeks from today, I start my first day at Stonestreet Studios. I'm nervous, excited, thrilled, scared. And, I'm ready for a change. I felt this way last year, too. It's time to move for a while, now; get away from CMU and classes.

But at the same time, I don't want to leave the people. I mean, I really don't want to leave them. Even more so than the past two years, I feel like this could be an incredibly long summer without seeing everyone. Perhaps it's because more connections have been this year, perhaps because as we all grow older our relationships become more important. I don't know. At least some people like Zach and Les will be in the 'Burgh (so excited to see them! and, we are totally going out and finding Pgh bars!), and I can run down to D.C. to see Danielle and Gvb (and see Tyson's Corner and go to Jazzercise!). Ashe will be in NYC, of course, will be amazing and so much fun. And (unless he gets a fabulous, amazing internship somewhere else, which he probably will), Matt will be in NJ (or even NYC), so I can see him for the first half of the summer. But the second half of summer will be so long.

Speaking of being in NYC, there seems to be a bazillion people who will be coming to NYC or living there this summer. You should tell me who you are and when you will be there.

I think that's my biggest concern right now. Last year, I went to L.A. and didn't know anyone. It was fine, actually, because most of my time was spent doing stuff for The Blank and I did hang out (a bit) w/ the other interns. And, it was a great experience to live on my own, just spend quality time with me. But I'm not so sure I want that this summer. I want to be social, I want to see people, hang out with them. Here's to hoping that happens.

And now, back to homework (and registration - check out this incredibly sweet schedule.

And I'm off.

Happy (almost) Easter!

2006-04-15T13:14:00.000-04:00

I love life and life is seeming to love me lately. I also enjoy (in no particular order) being the Virgin May in my church's fashion show, eating homemade candy, MPI Rehearsal, "The Pillowman," buying clothes from Old Navy, sleeping a lot, and Spiderman.

Off to go build a fire for a movie!!!

You can't stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But ya know you never will
And you can try to
stop my dancin' feet
But I just cannot stand still

'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til I heard the drums
Then I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat!

Hey, you know what?

2006-04-05T19:28:00.000-04:00

Life is pretty freakin' awesome.

It's 11:45 pm....where are you?

2006-03-28T23:45:00.000-05:00

Does anyone read this anymore?

The other day, my dad found this site...he said he didn't read it. And I actually believe him.

I'm not doing anything for a show right now, which is weird.

I can't wait for summer.

I had one of the best weekends ever last weekend.

Life is calm, and also slipping away from me very quickly and I'm just not quite sure what to do about it. Not that I'm complaining, I'm just surprised. But happy.

I'm still in l5y mode, though John Mayers is currently soothing me.

This post has serves no purpose.

I'll leave you with a cheer (as in a cheerleading cheer) that Jane McCafferty taught us:

We like your team.
You like our team.
But what about the other team?
Their pants is too tight.

"You're not a chicken, you're a Ham, mom!"

2006-03-17T20:18:00.000-05:00

Cathy Ham, the Queen of Spam just makes "Deal or No Deal" much more interesting. And she just asked the audience to think good and hold hands.

Thank goodness for reality TV and my dad's addiction to it.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to ya, laddie.

"If you had a pierced tongue, that wouldn't matter"

2006-03-02T17:00:00.000-05:00

"Shiksa Goddess" from "Last 5 Years" just strummed by heartstrings like whoa.

Today could be called awesome. Today could be named awful.

At the end...I feel all lit up inside.

And "Shiksa Goddess" just made it better....or worse. I still haven't decided.

I haven't posted to my blog this much in forever. Geez.

This one's for you, Zach Harris.

2006-03-01T08:59:00.000-05:00

While you are taking a walk around the castle while it's still sunny, I'm posting in my blog in dreary Pittsburgh.

Anyway, what to update? My life is slowly, but surely getting back to normal; however, I don't even know what normal is. Due to some personal things, I've pulled out of "City of Angels" completely; this is the first time since "Carnegie Affair" that I haven't been involved in an S'n'S production (and yet, I'm still involved as a Board Member now). It's really weird and yet, I kinda like it.

So what am I doing with my time?

Writing, for one thing. I've re-discovered my passion for writing - primarily short stories and screenplays. I adore it. And now I have time to do it.

Seeing my roomie. Now that MOSAIC (which was AMAZING!) is over, she is more chill, too. So we can ACTUALLY see each other. And, by the by, London Terrace Apartment 3 will still be rockin' next year with Miss Edwards and Miss Kochuba. Where is everyone else living?

Just enjoying life. Enjoying church service (it is now the Lenten season), etc. Going to parties w/ non-S'n'S people. GASP! How could this happen? Actually, it's one party and I haven't gone yet. This Friday, and I'm actually really excited.

Talked to Les and Zach alllll morning and I realized how much I miss them and am envious of them. Come home soon, guys.

Feeling anxious. I want NYC and this summer to come so fast. Not that I don't love school, S'n'S, my crazy whore friends, Max & Erma adventures, etc., because I really, truly do....but I guess I've been thinking about the fact that next year is my senior year and what will I do after it? I think this summer will determine a lot; which is exactly why I want to get started on it. And yet, I can't imagine an entire summer w/o everyone who won't be in Pgh (Danielle, Matt, Dave, Cto, Simon, Kam, etc.). However, Ashe will be here, as will Les and Zach - and people should call me if you're gonna be in NYC for the first half of the summer!

What else....really nothing. I've had headaches for the past week and it's getting on my nerves but otherwise....life is beautiful.

This summer, it won't be CourtK in L.A., but instead, CourtK in NYC!

2006-02-02T16:37:00.000-05:00

Doesn't have the same ring to it, but beggars really can't be choosers.

Anyway, I just found out that I was accepted into Stonestreet Studios summer film acting program; it's an independant studio, however, it works through NYU's drama school - yay!

Picture me, totally exhausted. Now picture pure excitement. Now crash those two together. That's me at the current moment. True, not a pretty picture, but it's happy nonetheless.

I'll be there for the first half of the summer (I think the program is May 115-June 23?), and I will be looking for a place to stay -- gonna check out NYU, but if anyone has any ideas, let me know!

"And so it is, just like you said, life goes easy on me, most of the time."

2006-01-30T10:31:00.000-05:00

Nice idea, but not true this morning. When I woke up and sobbed for an hour straight. I was laying in bed, exhausted, and suddenly realized it was Jan. 30th. The anniversary of my Grandma's death. And I completely forgot about it until today. Normally, this would be on my mind for the past week. So, I called my mom, she talked for a bit, but is really busy, wanted to see me today, but can't, etc. etc. etc. I just really miss my Grandma. It's been 4 years, but if you've ever lost someone who you love a great deal, you'll understand that a million years can pass and the pain can be just as fresh. That sounded stupid, but I don't care. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard. And Jamie's not home, and I have to go to work, then dance class with all the crazy acting majors.

I just want this day to be over.

I feel like I should update.

2006-01-19T17:23:00.000-05:00

But I don't have anything to say.

Oh, I went to Bumblecrazymiddleofnowheretown last weekend with Danielle. We got lost on a creepy ranch. And bought bison meat. Not at the same place. Check out Facebook for pics.

School rocks the hizzle, for serious. Except O-Chem. The jury's still out on that one.

Laramie is amazing. I love each one of my cast members and my AD and SM so much, they don't even know it. And we've only had 2 days of rehearsal. Cast bonding tomorrow night!!

Looking forward to having a champagne room. Does anyone read this anymore that would actually get that?

I miss Ms. Markel and Mr. Harris.

I don't have classes tomorrow! Just internship at Woody High! So, that means the afternoon will be South Side shopping with DG and Ashe. Hm, I don't know if I can pick up on the DG nickname.

I saw Katie briefly for a moment the other day and realized that I miss her, too. Katie, if you're reading this, call me!! And, I realized then that I really miss Darren, too. I haven't talked to him in a looooooooong while. And Atom. Oh, wow. Where did you guys go? Come back, come back, please.

I'm at work and bored b/c I'm the only one here. Hence the stream of consciousness.

Ok. My mom is picking me up. Going to Applebee's. A-woo hoo!!

Guess what?

2006-01-10T11:12:00.000-05:00

My cousin:
- travels around Europe
- takes lots of awesome photos
- sends me postcards
- has several jobs (all legit and non-perverse)
- is ONLY 24!

Wow. He's cool.

(That all had a sarcastic tone, but really, he is very cool. I probably shouldn't be related to him.)

OMG!!!!!1

2006-01-06T00:02:00.000-05:00

AND I just took an online quiz (I'm totally addicted to them now, someone please help me) called "What is your lucky number?" -- and it was 5!!!! Is that freaky, or is it me?

I need some sleep. And to get away from this computer.

Apparently, 5 is my lucky number.

2006-01-05T13:28:00.000-05:00

And I didn't know it until today.

#1 Most Searched Word of 2005: Integrity

2006-01-04T19:18:00.000-05:00

Last year, it was "blog."

The top 10 words of the year based on searches of Merriam-Webster Web sites:

1. Integrity: Firm adherence to a code, especially moral or artistic values; incorruptibility.

2. Refugee: One that flees; especially a person who flees to a foreign country or power to escape danger or persecution.

3. Contempt: Willful disobedience to or open disrespect of a court, judge or legislative body.

4. Filibuster: The use of extreme dilatory tactics in an attempt to delay or prevent action, especially in a legislative assembly.

5. Insipid: Lacking in qualities that interest, stimulate or challenge; dull, flat.

6. Tsunami: A great sea wave produced especially by submarine earth movement or volcanic eruption.

7. Pandemic: Occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population.

8. Conclave: A private meeting or secret assembly, especially a meeting of Roman Catholic cardinals secluded continuously while choosing a pope.

9. Levee: An embankment for preventing flooding; a continuous dike or ridge (as of earth) for confining the irrigation areas of land to be flooded.

10. Inept: Generally incompetent; bungling.

Maybe not terribly fascinating, but I find all of that pretty interesting.

Wow. I'm a dork.

2006, baby!

2006-01-01T13:17:00.000-05:00

For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.
~ T.S. Eliot

Happy New Year to all of you lovelies out there. Last night, I had one of the top three best New Year's Eves ever. Leslie, Zach, Shayna, Les' friend (Lauren) and I went to First Night downtown; it was incredible! Really, to see so many people filling up the streets of Pittsburgh with such an air of warmth and love - it was great. And the performances were equally amazing. After the madness, the purchasing of sparkly purple boas, the watching of fireworks (I hid behind Shay), and the waving to the wedding party in the Renaissance hotel, we headed back to Les' house and slept over. So much fun. What a great way to welcome 2006.

Remember: Wherever you are, there you are.

2005-12-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

That's my uncle's favorite saying, and after hearing it about three times a day during my trip to San Francisco, it kind stuck with me. I think that saying basically sums up my life in 2005. I may fill out the standard quiz thing later, or do a general wrap-up of the year (like I did last year), but at the moment I'm leaving it with that.

In other news, I'm back in the 'Burgh. San Francisco was amazing - our crazy Kochuba clan created quite a memorable holiday. I adore my three little cousins, who are growing up so fast. Katie, the 15-yr-old, is awesome - hanging out with her is like hanging out with one of my girlfriends; she may come up to CMU this or next semester!

Best moment of the trip? Our last day there, when we all went to a Mexican restaurant to get drinks. 12 of us crowded around these two bar-top tables, the adults on their third pitcher of drinks (and believe, the bartender was getting pretty lose with Jose by that point) and the kids all high on sugar; we managed to get the entire restaurant to cheer with us - twice! First, to shout "Hi!" into the phone when we called our uncle. Second, to chant (and pound on the tables), "One more night!" when we were all trying to convince my dad to let him, me and my mom to stay one more night. It was amazing.

And, now, finally, I feel like I'm relaxing. Well, almost. This is the second day that I'm working at my dad's office, but after today, I'm done here. Still have a bunch of stuff to do over break (look at summer programs, work on Laramie, City of Angels and other SnS stuff, etc.), but it'll all be fun.

Also, random note, but lately, I have had a very strong desire to have lived during the early 1900's and/or the 1950's. Don't ask why (there are reasons, but they are silly), but I do. Yes, yes, I would probably be sick of the whole "women are inferior and have to act properly" after a day, but it would still be fun and awesome. Do you ever think about reincarnation? If you really did live during that time? Ok, I know, that got totally weird there for a minute....but still, you have to admit, it's cool to think about. At least, I think so.

And, I look around me, and here I am.

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-20T13:32:00.000-05:00

To anyone and everyone who reads this, I hope that you have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and just a happy holiday season in general.

I'm typing from my aunt's computer in her office in the lower level of their cute little house that is being renovated - and it looks awesome; very chic and modern. I absolutely heart San Francisco! I'm here until next Wednesday, so yay! It's just me, my grandmother and aunt right now - then my parents and uncle come in tomorrow, then more family will keep arriving until Christmas Eve day! And, then, it's just a big party - especially out here with this family, who has about a million friends that they celebrate the holidays with. (Oh, by the by, for anyone who actually cares, the house I'm at is the house of my awesome uncle who gets the hotel rooms).

Anyway, I'm all buzzed up on happiness at the moment, so the above stuff may or may not be coherent. Whatevs.

I am the happiest I have been in a long time; and that's saying something because, as we all know, I usually have an optimistic demeanor. So, anyway, this has already been and is going to be an awesome holiday. Hope your's is, too!!

I AM DONE!

2005-12-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

And when I looked up "exhilaration" on Google images, this came up:

That's kinda how I feel.

Winter break has STARTED. Woo!

I F------ HATE PHELPS SO MUCH.

2005-12-09T16:34:00.000-05:00

I don't know whether I want to cry or scream after reading his website.

How do people like that even exist?????

Laramie!

2005-12-09T03:31:00.000-05:00

Ashe and I have a cast! Woo! Congrats to all the actors!!

Ok, all you Ireland-lovin' people....

2005-12-06T13:07:00.000-05:00

So, my crazy cousin has picked up and gone over to Ireland. His girlfriend is studying there for a year, so he just decided to go on over. He's a witty 25-year-old American sports writer with no job...he's absolutely, amazing insane.

Anyway, if anyone ever wants an insight into his crazy awesome experiences or photos, check out his blog and photo site.

PS I learned that Firefox is AMAZING! (Thank you, cto.)

Interesting.

2005-12-05T11:08:00.000-05:00

1. I'm posting again to my blog. Which will stop, soon, very very soon.
2. I feel like I should be freaking out because of all the work I have to do, all the auditions to sit through, all the sleep that I will not be getting, all the craziness. But, ironically, I have never felt more calm, settled, and content in my life.

"Little Footsteps" ended at 12:30 and "Laramie" began at 2:30.

2005-12-04T16:51:00.000-05:00

With the exception of the sadness of "Little Footsteps" ending and the fact that my finger still hurts from when I sliced it open, life is very good.

Very, very good, indeed.

Panic moment.

2005-11-26T21:32:00.000-05:00

Suddenly, I am overwhelmed and terrified by the amount of things that I have to accomplish in the next two weeks. If you see me, give me a hug or something.

Good luck to everyone else, too; I know this is a crazy time of year.

Honestly, I'm on the verge of completely completely flipping out.

Thanksgiving Introspections.

2005-11-24T23:28:00.000-05:00

What a simple, yet lovely Thanksgiving. My aunt and uncle came over, we drank some champagne, ate some food, relaxed by the fire. It was awesome. And, yes, my top two favorite things of the day are the smell of turkey and couch naps, which really are the best; especially when your family is around and you doze on and off, hearing their voices, knowing you are warm, safe, loved. That was dorky, but it's true; at least, I think so.

So, Peter V. sent out a mass email to all these people about what he is thankful for. And that got me thinking, I'm thankful for so much. Don't worry, I'm not going to list them all here, but I'm just so happy this year. So many things are going right - and I am incredibly thankful for all of you (friends and family) who have made those wonderful things happen. You know who are, and I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

Enough sappiness. :) (For now.)

I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test again. Still an ENFJ ( Extrovert/Intuition/Feeling/Judging), of course. I took the test as Joanie ("Little Footsteps" character) and I was an ISFJ (Introvert/Sensation/Feeling/Judging). So, not totally similiar, but a bit close. Interesting nontheless.

Now, I am off to bed. Because, for some unknown reason, I suggested to my mom that we get to the mall at 6 am tomorrow morning. She pushed it back to 7. We only have a few things to get and I have a ton of homework to do; so I figure, get up, get out, shop, come home, and then work all day (I'll have a head start by being up early!). So, yeah. We'll see if it actually happens...

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I hope you had wonderful things to be thankful for, too. :)

Oh no, another update...and so soon after the last one.

2005-11-21T21:31:00.000-05:00

Really, there is nothing to update. My film class ended early and I'm dead tired, stuck in a cluster in Baker, listening to "Love, Actually" until rehearsal starts.

I don't know how I feel. I mean, actually, I do. I'm incredibly happy at the moment. I feel like this year is just coming together so unbelieveably (spelling? whatevs, I'm out of it) well, it's amazing. I don't even know if next year could top it. Just between SnS stuff, living in the apartment, getting to have more friends, getting to know people better -- it sounds corny, I know, but life is just simply wonderful at the moment.

That's not saying that I'm not stressed and annoyed at life at times. For instance, this Thanksgiving "break" will not be a "break" at all; instead, it will be 5 days of simply doing work work work -- which means I won't have as much time to hang out with my family....which sucks a lot. However, winter break is right around the corner. All the stuff that annoys and stresses me, though, is really just for fake - it's stuff that in one month, one year, even one week from now, will not matter at all. So, yeah.

Lately, the holiday spirit has just been infusing itself into my soul. That sounds crazy, and I'm really mad that it is, because it's not even Thanksgiving yet! But, I was walking down the street today, listening to Christmas songs on my iPod and looking at the Christmas decorations on Craig Street and I just felt all...happy and warm and settled inside. It's amazing.

Sidenote: This time last year, I was getting ready to go to NYC for Thanksgiving, where I met up with Darren, who I miss a lot right now. :( If you ever read this, darlin', we need to call each other - we haven't talked in a month!!

Hm...what else can I blabber on about? Oh, how about the fact that I am in LOVE with "Little Footsteps?" Ok, so, I connect so incredibly well with my character, it's frightening. No, that doesn't mean that I'm pregnant or what-have-you, but it means that a lot of her is in me and vice versa....you always hear about how sometimes there is just the right time in an actor's life to play a particular part - just because of where they are mentally, emotionally, etc. - I feel like I'm in the right spot to play Joanie. Ok, that's a bit extreme - I'm only a college student, and I'd probably be better in a few years, however, I can totally relate to everything she does. And I love being her. It's like slipping into a familiar skin. I'm exhausted from now, but in 20 minutes, when I go to rehearsal, it's almost like a comfort to get away from this world and go into Joanie - and I can do it because I relate so much to her. Wow, that was some craziness that I just wrote, wasn't it? Whatever. This is more for me to just have and get it all out and written down.

Also, I realized, in the past week, that I love love love having my own apartment. I mean, I really miss Jam, and it can be a little disturbing late at night when you're by yourself, and I can't WAIT for her to come home to me. However. To be on your own schedule, know that you have free range to come and go, have people over, etc., it's just...nice. Sort of a growing up in independence experience. But still. I can't wait for Jam to come back.

What else to say? Tomorrow I go home - yay! My mom and I are (hopefully) going to have a "Gilmore Girls" marathon and watch ALL of the new episodes (which I've been taping). Thanksgiving is going to be so chill and awesome - it'll be the first time that I'll be home for Thanksgiving in 3 years....I can't wait to sleep in, roll out of bed, watch teh parade, watch movies, eat, eat, eat, sleep, eat some more, play corny board games (because that's what I make my dorky family do on holidays), and just relax. Oh man, I can't wait.

Ok. I've written a frickin' novel. Oh, well. If you made it this far, thanks for reading and you should leave a comment to let me know you're out there. Tell me, uh....what your favorite about Thanksgiving is. Mine is...the smell of the turkey waking you up. Not really. Well, maybe a little. Gosh, I'm indecisive tonight.

Off to be pregnant, then have a kid, then go crazy. Wooooooo.

Life is kinda phenomenal at the moment.

2005-11-15T11:21:00.000-05:00

Hello my dear little blog. I haven't updated in a while, so I figured I'd write a quick one.

Life continues quite charming, except for the fact that I'm sick - nothing really major, but a pretty bad viral thing, blah. I just need a comfy bed and a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup...however, it doesn't look like that will be happening any time soon...

Other news? Come see "Little Footsteps," on Dec. 2 @ 8:00 pm and Dec. 3 @ 2:00 and 8:00 in Rangos Ballroom! Tix are $3/5. It's a great show! I'm pregnant in it! I go crazy in it! There are dead baby jokes! A good time all around.

Also, YOU should come audition for "The Laramie Project." OR be on the tech staff. Yep, I am directing "The Laramie Project" (w/ the lovely Miss Ashe B. as my AD) in February. Updates on auditions in a week or so....

I'm currently listening to Christmas carols and am now so anxious for Christmas.....it's going to rock; I'm going to San Francisco!! Can't wait to hang out with my family...

Ok, but that's a long long time away, gotta get this head back in the game...back to work, then venturing out in the rain....

Welcome to my party, glad you like the dress, welcome to my party...who the hell invited you?

2005-10-25T11:57:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, that's how I feel about life.

Ok, not really. I just love those lyrics...well, maybe I do feel like that sometimes...

Anyway, just a quick update for those who still read my blog...does anyone? I highly doubt it, but whatevs.

Went to L.A. for mid-sem break and had a great, awesome time (though, I do admit, it didn't even compare to the D.C. Young Professionals Trip) - showed my Dad all around L.A., we went to the theatre that I worked for, saw "The Wild Party" with Valerie Pettiford and Jane Janier - simply amazing. And, we toured the WB studio ("Gilmore Girls" set! And saw some movie stars! Woo! Man...I'm such a dorkus.) and saw a taping of a show - very cool.

As for now, crazy tech week has begun - everyone come see SnS' "Children of Eden"! This weekend: Fri at 9:30, Sat at 2:00 and 8:00 - McConomy Aud. Woo! It'll rock your socks, I promise!!

Then, as soon as CoE is over, "Little Footsteps" starts - I was cast as Joanie and couldn't be more thrilled -- I'm really looking forward to just sinking my teeth into a straight play.

I must put something out there. This past weekend, I really, really missed all of my friends, which was crazy because I was only gone for a few days; hence, it made me realize how important all of them are to me. :)

However, just because I love my friends, doesn't mean that people don't annoy me. And, this morning, I woke up in an annoyed mood - not exactly sure why, but I did. To fix it? Two things: First, I listened to Christmas songs on my iPod. You have no idea how that will raise your spirits. And, second, as I was going out of the UC, this guy opened the door for me. I said, "Oh, thanks" and he smiled, replying, "Of course." Now, there is a gentleman. A charming guy. That's the kind of man I want. A charming, dashing guy that will open doors for me. Not too much to ask for, is it?

And, now, back to work, in rainy Pgh (snow today?), which I actually don't mind; though I would prefer it if I was curled up in front of a crackling fireplace with a good book and a cup of hot tea. Le sigh. That day will come soon enough.

Kami told me to update

2005-10-14T01:05:00.000-04:00

...so I will.

Yay for "Children of Eden"! Come see it! Kami's directing it! I'm in it (and pregnant)! Danielle's in it! Ashe is in it! If you're reading this, you're probably in it too! Go to http://snstheatre.andrew.cmu.edu for more info!!

This week has been too long, with a lot of craziness, sadness, general blarghness. It's also been incredibly, amazingly awesome. CoE cast bonding last weekend was also a lot of fun - that cast has certainly bonded.

In other news, I am looking forward to this weekend. I need to relax, like whoa. Then do major homework for mid-sem (I'm totally freaking out), then I leave for Hollywood next Thursday - going back to visit everyone from the summer. yay!

On that note, I'm heading to bed, with my heart aching just a bit. Not really sure why, but it is indeed.

"I'm gonna post to my blog, because I haven't done that in forever." "You should."

2005-10-09T16:46:00.000-04:00

I just had that convo with Danielle. I'm still at her place - I seem to be living both here and at my own place -- it's nice to have two homes, one on each side of campus.

Oh, dear, so much has gone on - I bought at $140 pair of designer jeans for $40 (thank you, Danielle) - Laurel's suprise birthday dinner was so much fun. Then, Relay for Life was very cold, but quite, quite, quite amusing, I have to say -- and we actually sounded good! Cast bonding was ca-razy -- honestly, it was just a big old orgy that went on in Danielle and Les' room...ok, not really, but close to it. CoE cast is flippin' amazing.

I don't have much else to say...I'm going to L.A. for mid-sem, yay!! That's in a week and a half, whew...looking forward to next weekend already....so tired and I have SO MUCH work to do....but what else is new?

Ok, off to learn "Ain't it good."

woo!

Happy Birthday, Blog!

2005-10-01T15:55:00.000-04:00

Ok. Yes, I am that much of a dork. I have been waiting a whole year to be able to have this journal entry, I must admit. I started my blog last year on Sept. 29 - here's the entry:

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 2004
i did it!
ok, so, yes, I set up a blog. I somehow feel like I'm part of an elite club now. Anyway, to be honest, I probably won't post all that often, but I want to comment to other people's, and, well, it sorta seemed like fun...or just a way to distract me from my French philosophy homework. Which I should get back to. now.

In other news, life continues charming, though sometimes confusing. Last night, Danielle, Les, and I pre-gamed it a bit here, then dragged Cto to Cozumel - we all ended up having a great time, actually. We meet up with Kim and Ashe, danced a lot, got all gross and sweaty, but it was fantastic. I was so sore today when I woke up...between the sexy "Generations" dance rehearsal and Cozumel salsa night, my body's taken a beating...SnS and weekend partying hit because they love.

Been catching up on homework and stuff this afternoon - Jam's gone for the weekend, and it's nice to have the place to myself. Will go out tonight to...who knows where? At the moment, I can't even think about it. If you read this before tonight, call me and tell me what to do.

Oh, also, check out new photos!

Facebook EXPLOSION!

2005-09-21T22:47:00.000-04:00

Whoa. So EVERYONE has facebook now. Seriously, I've friended about 20 people in the last minute --- all from good ol' Pgh Musical Theatre...that's bringing back some old memories (all good, warm and fuzzy ones, too). I miss all of them.

Is it sad that I allow Facebook to get me this excited?

In other news, I've been remembering how much I love to write!

More adventures...

2005-09-18T23:36:00.000-04:00

I feel like life will never, ever slow down. And, I hope it doesn't. It slowed down for a split second today and, I'll admit, I got a little down and sad. It was quite odd...I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm feeling very "eh" at the moment. Tired. Sad. Stressed.

But I wasn't this weekend! We made mojotios! (Did I spell that right?) So good (and pretty!)

It was good times had by all - lots of good food and fun cooking. Yes, below is a photo of Simon with a pan of fire.

Danielle and I got most of our checklist checked off...almost. I love my friends so much, I have to say. They are all so crazy and nuts, but they make my life worth living.

In other news, I'm tired and stressed, so I'm going to go to bed. This was a random post, but I did it because Kam wanted me to. And I wanted to post fun pics. Yeah.

I need to sleep and snap out of this slump.

Weeeeee!

2005-09-17T02:17:00.000-04:00

i'm a crazy whore! weeee! druunnnnnnk! l that's not rue. b

Hello, world!

2005-09-15T09:56:00.000-04:00

Oh, whoops, wrong show.

"Let there be." Ok, better.

Wow, that was dorky, huh? Anyway, things continue very nicely in my life. Children of Eden is awesome; I'm getting to do a lot of dancing, which totally rocks my socks. And, I'm Aphra, again - yay for getting to be pregnant in the same show twice in one lifetime.

Yesterday, I had a bout of L.A.-sickness, meaning that I really missed L.A. Possibly because I wrote a story on parking in L.A. and, well, even though I remembered how frustrating and crazy it was, I missed it nonetheless. I'm thinking of maybe going back out to L.A. this fall to see their show...we'll see.

Ah, yes, and the domestic diva-ness also continues. I was watching a show the other day, and it was a special on domestic divas; I totally FLIPPED out! They went to all these great cooking stores, where there were all these awesome gadgets and useful tools and then they talked about how you can clean your toilet tank with a vitamin C pill and then they discussed cleaning while your rock our to your favorite music, and fresh flowers! and...oh, it just gets me so excited. That's not too sad, is it?

Hmm...what else? I've been evaluating my life lately. I have to say, I am extremely happy. True, nothing is "perfect," but who wants a perfect life? If everything was just right, then there wouldn't be anything to reach for. Musing over several things, including family issues and where I will be in two years....apparently, my parents and I are going to discuss "my future" soon. Isn't that a scary, wonderfully exciting thought? But, I feel like I just got settled here at CMU...do have to pick up in les than 2 yrs, have everyone go their separate ways...it's sobering.

Well, today is my no-class today -- all I have on the docket is dinner at Zach's at 6:00 (woo!) and then rehearsal. Tomorrow, I start my teaching internship at Woody High - I'm the only one doing it and I'm really really excited. It's going to rock (I hope).

Oh, I remember one other thing. Kam's Jonathon is in town and I saw him yesterday. I walked in late to rehearsal, so I talked to him on a break, he said, "I feel like a laughter sound should have played when you walked in. Like, you're that character on a sitcom who's putting on her shoes and everyone just laughs at her." Later, I was explaining how you look into the light when you need to sneeze...but I couldn't remember if that made you sneeze or not. He said, "See? The laugh would come in here." I don't know why, but that comment made me very happy. My life as a sitcom? Hrm. Maybe. Then again, all our lives are sitcoms, and we are each the star.

I'll leave you with that prolific thought.

Courtk's Grand Labor Day Weekend Adventure

2005-09-05T10:32:00.000-04:00

This was one of the best weekends ever. Highlights include:

- girlie sleepover
- baking one-handed cookies (see above pic)
- Danielle, Kam, Leslie and Ashe
- Danielle and mine's shots coming true
- General Meeting madness
- hanging out with Darren Canady
- trying to beat Darren Canady at slugging...and losing
- trips to the bathroom with Danielle
- Danielle and I getting catcalls in front of a church
- sleeping in my apartment all weekend, but not sleeping in my bed until last night
- wearing Danielle's clothes
- wearing Jamie's shoes that cut my feet but looked awesome
- having someone put Band-Aids on my feet (even though they were cut and gross) so I can walk around Oakland (thank you!)
- Zach's parties
- 2 (count 'em, 2) 3 am runs to McDonald's
- big Italian dinners that involve me being a domestic diva
- playing 1000 cards...even though it means me doing really silly things
- hanging out with people I haven't seen in a while and having a wonderful time
- Beach Spikers!! I've gotten so much worse!
- attempting to, but never actually, watch "Jaws" two times
- reading Maxim and watching a Star Trek count down....what?

Ok, maybe not that last one. I love this weekend. I have done no work. But I have had one heck of amazing weekend. I love my friends.

I'm a Junior.

2005-08-30T16:37:00.000-04:00

I still can't get over that. In all my classes, I've had to say what year I was - yet, it still hasn't clicked that I only have 2 years left at this school. Crazy, that's what I have to say.

I love love love all of my classes. And, I dropped one, added my Woody High internship - so, this is the first semester since fall freshmen year that I am taking less than 52 units. Now, that's crazy.

And, I love my apartment. Really, it's sad how happy the simple things make me - having 3 separate rooms, making tea on a stove, sitting at a table to eat (not a desk). People should come over and eat, drink, watch tv. Jam and I are fun and good hostesses (I hope!).

Looking for a short but awesome distraction? Stop what you're doing and read this.

Oh, and I have to watch "Jaws" by next Tuesday. Me. The girl that is TERRIFIED of sharks. I mean really really terrified. So, if anyone wants to watch it with me, let me know because I'm gonna need some support.

Yesterday was Father-Daughter Day o' Fun in the Kochuba Household.

2005-08-24T11:12:00.000-04:00

Which means that my Dad took the day off work (which he definitely needed) and he and I spent the whole day together. Started at Crackerbarrel (yum), then we went to Ohiopyle and biked 25 miles - it was the perfect day for it, weather-wise. And, since it was a weekday, the path was basically deserted - which was good because we were yelling out in pain as we biked back (so sore today).

Then, we went to this Roadhouse place for dinner, then did mini-golfing extreme, and ended the night at DQ. It was so relaxing and awesome. I love my Dad.

Oh, for anyone who cares, I am not "officially" moving back until Saturday, not Thursday. But, Kam, we're still on for tomorrow night.

My feet hurt.

2005-08-21T22:38:00.000-04:00

Ashe and I took photos of freshmen moving in - my friend said, "You're so working for the school newspaper. You're from the school newspaper!" And I suddenly felt very tv-like-college-ish. Like Rory Gilmore or something. It was fun. Then my mom and I spent 4 hrs cleaning my apartment. See photos below. It's so cute.

Because I have a rull bad headache and am bored.

2005-08-18T20:24:00.000-04:00

20 people off the top of your head...

1. Zach
2. Jamie
3. Ashley
4. Kami
5. Sean
6. Aaron
7. Katie
8. Scott
9. Beej
10. Leslie
11. Yin
12. Will
13. Atom
14. Dan
15. Danielle
16. Alex G.
17. Alex O.
18. Alex. A.
19. Tyson
20. Laurel

How did you meet 13?
When I was a senior in high school, visiting CMU. My sleeping bag host said that I was the female version of him. I met him in Skibo, where he ditched Katie and Scott to talk to me.

What would you do if you never met 5?
Not had a fantastic, entertaining freshman year. And not have had a random phone call from him today.

What do you honestly think of 10?
She's a cute little bundle of humor, intelligence and joy. And a great friend.

Would or did 19 and 8 date?
No. That would be....not ever happening.

Have you ever liked 3?
As Zph said, if you mean like-like, then no. As a friend, yes.

If 1 died tomorrow, what would you do to prevent it if you could?
I, too, would challenge Death. But in my case, the game would be DDR. And the prize would be the essence of my being (or, my soul, but I didn't want to totally copy his answer!).

Would 2 and 11 make a good couple?
I think they would kill each other if they were in a relationship. Though, it'd be fun to watch.

Describe 7 in 3 words.
Confidante, hilarious, strong.

Do you think 12 is hot?
Um...when he dresses a certain way, he reminds me of Johnny Depp, so in that situation, yes.

Would 16 and 17 make a lovely couple?
I do not believe so. Maybe a cute fling, though.

What do you think when you see 8?
Adoption. (I don't even know if he'll get that, but whatevs.)

Tell me something humiliating about 11.
He didn't stop Zach from using the bowls that Beej gave me!

Do you know any of 3's family members?
Her mama and papa. (That is not what she calls them)

What's 20's favorite color?
Hm. I don't know...purple? Blue? I am so off, aren't I?

On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?
Oh, he just has cuteness written all over him! 8!

What would you do if 4 just professed their undying love for you?
Um...stand there and stare at her.

What language does 19 speak?
English - very well, too.

Who is 8 going out with?
He's not going out with anyone. He is engaged. To 7.

Is 9 a boy or a girl?
Boy!!

Would 18 and 4 make a good couple?
Actually, if they were gay, I think they would - all sexy and cute and musical theatre-y!

What grade is 17 in?
Senior yr...so 16th grade?

When was the last time you talked to 12?
Last week of school?

What is 3's favorite band?
Well, I don't know if it's her ultimate favorite band, but she LOVES "The Jealous Girlfriends."

Does 1 have any siblings?
1 brother. Older.

Would you ever date 6?
That would be like dating an older brother.

Would you ever date 7?
In the words of Zach, "Nope. Too vaginal."

Is 15 single?
Yes, unless something has changed over the summer.

What is 19's last name?
Schrader.

What is 5's middle name?
No idea.

What is 10's fantasy?
I have no clue.

This card

2005-08-17T16:35:00.000-04:00

is from the year that I was 10 yrs old, right after we got back from a trip to Toronto. I found this card, which is handmade on black construction paper with Halloween decorations, in my dad's office - randomly, in a box, the front read:

"Happy Halloween!!" With a ghost saying, "Thanks for taking me to Tronto!!!!!!!!"

The inside read:

"A handsome man is on a lovely date with a lovely lady. The man is about to propose to the woman when sunddly Bang! Ekkk! Ahhh! OOOO! Bank! Help! Skeirrk! Ekkk! Tha lady screamed and ran out. Remeber, never propose on Halloween Night! Ha! Ha!

Love,
Courtney"

Why did I write this? No one in my life was getting engaged. Was it a thank you note, Halloween card, short story, or all three? Who knows?!?

I was a weird kid.

My apartment is so vain, I love it!

2005-08-17T13:17:00.000-04:00

Helped Jam (I missed her so much!) move into our lovely London apartment - and it absolutely rocks. Is really, really nice and cozy - pretty large, too, for a CMU apartment. And, it looks onto St. Paul's, so you feel like you're in the Secret Garden or something. Is also a perfect little place for a fondue and wine party (we're so planning it) and other parties (my mom pointed all this out - "Oh, girls, you can have great parties in here!" I love my mama.).

Now, for the vain part. Our apartment has four (that's right, count 'em, 4!) full-length mirrors. You cannot walk through this apartment without catching a glimspe of yourself - Jam and I are going to become so vain after this year.

I ended up sleeping over last night (even though I haven't moved in yet) along with Mr. Zach Harris (ask him about his lovely Cat Man apartment...). It was so much fun. Sleepover madness. Opening Jam's 21st birthday basket that I made for her, getting locked in the Cathedral of Learning (seriously). All in all, a wonderful evening.

Currently, there's a HUGE WATER MAIN BREAK (as Scoot said) downtown. Well, in part of downtown. I'm there now, but it hasn't affected us yet. It's ca-razy.

Mmm, just finished lunch. Cheeseburgers are goooooood.

I can't wait to start the school year!

It should be raining out.

2005-08-15T15:37:00.000-04:00

In response to the second comment in that last post, I must quote Adam J. "My...God..."

Crazy week. Too many deaths, funerals, sadness. Very very tired. Helping Jam move into our apartment tomorrow - excited to see it. School starts in two weeks from today, can't believe it. Feeling anxious about many things.

I had two grande Starbucks coffees today and I'm falling asleep.

Also, I apparently have sluggish focus - those are the exact words that my eye doctor said. Oh goodie. At least I don't need glasses.

Off to...do work? I don't even know - been running around getting food for a funeral thing. That wears you out, man.

I feel like a wife from the '50s for some reason.

What an interesting week this has been.

2005-08-11T14:07:00.000-04:00

Several ups, several downs. Several surprises, several expectations. Some good, some bad. But, here's the good part, I've taken them all pretty well. That doesn't mean that a teeny, tiny part of wants to go screaming into the night, but then again, when in life do you ever NOT want to go screaming into the night?

Two weeks from today I move back to campus (London Terrace) and I can't wait. Very anxious to start the school year, see everyone, start awesome classes, start S'n'S.

At work, currently, and time is passing too slowly - in a hour, we (all 6 of us in my dad's law firm) are going to the Cheesecake Factory for a goodbye dinner for Kim, a friend of mine and one of my dad's employees. She's moving to San Francisco on Saturday. She's got me thinking - what will it be like, in 2 years from now, to just pick up and move? Where to? With anyone? How will I support myself? It's so thrilling and exciting to think about.

I have an eye appointment tomorrow. I'm trying to read "Pride and Prejudice," but the tiny print is making it difficult. I haven't had an eye appointment in over two or three years. Guess we'll see what happens.

Well, this was an utterly boring entry. Apologies to anyone who actually took the time to read this. But, if you read it this far, you should let me know if you're doing anything exciting this weekend.

I'm hungry. Maybe I'll use my time machine to speed up time. Wait, I don't have a time machine, shoot.

Apparently, I'm crazy, too.

That last post

2005-08-09T23:44:00.000-04:00

was shortly cured by PB&J crackers, cleaning our newly-ceilinged kitchen with my Dad, then watching and laughing over "Filthly Rich" with him.

I decided something today. I can't wait to come back to school. I love home and my family, but I really can't wait for the year to start.

And I have a goal for this school year: Be Courageous. Take it to mean what you want, but I have ideas...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2005-08-09T18:31:00.000-04:00

That's all.

Bang, bang, bang on the door baby....

2005-08-08T13:26:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was just so much fun. Last night was amazing. Dinner with Zach started it all - I just love him so much. We were quite decisive last night, too, I'm very proud of us.

When we walked over to Flagstaff from Oakland, the sky was this weird, yellow-ish color that freaked us out - it was really cool, though. It almost looked like the world was about to come to an end or something.

When "Finding Neverland" was cancelled, we (including Ashe) went over to Katie and Scott's. I played the Karaoke game for the first time and just had a blast. I love my friends. And can't wait for school to start.

My fortune in my cookie last night said, "Stop worrying and take a chance." I may just do that.

awesomenessality

2005-08-06T23:39:00.000-04:00

Well, then. I just had what can only be called one of the best nights of my life. It was James' 17th birthday - for those of you who don't know, the Finlay's are very close friends of my family. The kids are James and Andrew, almost 14 yrs old. Anyway, their family (including their 4 grandparents) and my mom, dad, and I had a birthday celebration for James. Started at their house, then went to a private room at the fish market in the Waterfront.

I haven't had such an enjoyable evening in a loooooooong time. Full of wine, good food, laughter, serious dissucion, light discussion, just a plain old wonderful time. One especially funny thing happened to me (um, by funny, maybe I actually mean embarrassing), that left em realizing that even though I am an only child, I have a huge extended "family" who will always be there to support and, more importantly, tease me, ha ha. Oh, dear, life is full of surprises, that's all I'm saying.

As for now, I'm incredibly happy, full of wonderful food and wine...a water bottle is being drunk right now. Drunk? Drank? Eh, I'm a creative writing major, I create words.

I see Zach tomorrow for dinner! Then Ashe and Paige (and maybe others?) for Finding Neverland on Flagstaff tomorrow night - wanna come? Call me!

Oh, and I finally saw Amercian Beauty - FANTASTIC FILM. My dad said he was weirded out by it (we didn't watch it together, that would just be wrong). I have to say, I'm kinda glad he was weirded out by it.

Off to a lovely, peaceful sleep. In such a happy, life-is-peaceful-and-awesome, floaty mood. Ah.

Three Random Thoughts

2005-08-04T08:54:00.000-04:00

1. I'm currently watching the cast of Rent (the film version) perform on The Today Show. It's quite thrilling and really making me want to see the movie - trailer. However, I have to say, the original cast has gotten a bit older. They don't look young, like how the people of Rent are "supposed" to look. Or maybe this film will teach us that the age of characters doesn't matter - it's just what they're going through. Hm.

2. The Marie Claire Wine and Cheese Diet. Need I say more? Think it works?

3. My dream last night: I had 2 heart attacks, very scary. Then, Chandler Bing propsed to me after we had dinner. He proposed with a ring that had a little American flag on it - and he asked me while we were standing on these icy steps (it was winter) that lead to the front door of the restaurant. Joey was there, too.

Then, I was at Yin's house with Katie and Scott. I made 6 beef patties because we were having people over for dinner, but I dropped them down the disposal, so Yin and I had to fish them out. Then, Yin invited me to go dancing at a club with a bunch of people in NYC this weekend. Katie was doing something...talking about Nick V., I think.

Then, Scott told me how he, Yin, and Dan Tasse were hanging out at Scott's car. Everyone was getting mad about something (life in general, I think) and each of them yelled something. When Dan yelled, he also gently tapped a paint bucket against Scott's car window. That broke the car. The roof came flying off and a loaded gun (which Scott didn't know was there) flew out from under the seat. Scoot said to me, "Now, I drive a hybrid convertible."

I'm bored. This is stolen from Zach's lj.

2005-08-01T20:18:00.000-04:00

Sidenote 1: How do you do that thing where you make this thing a link? Zach, like in your lj? Know what I mean?

Sidenote 2: "Must Love Dogs" is a great movie. Really. I highly recommend it.

13 random things you like
1. my new day planner that randomly matches my purse
2. my pink iPod
3. the moon
4. twilight
5. burning scented candles
6. L.A.
7. belly dancing
8. the beach
9. acting
10. silly Q&As like this one
11. a turquoise ring my parents got me for my 20th birthday
12. finding myself
13. Toronto

12 favorite movies, in no particular order
1. The Prince and Me
2. Dirty Dancing
3. Finding Neverland
4. Pirates of the Carribean
5. Beauty and the Beast
6. My Best Friend's Wedding
7. Moulin Rouge
8. Gone With The Wind
9. Shakespeare In Love
10. The Usual Suspects
11. The Patriot
12. The Bread, My Sweet

11 good bands/artists
1. Raze
2. The Beatles
3. Three Dog Night
4. Frank Sinatra
5. Josh Groban
6. Dean Martin
7. Norah Jones
8. Sugababes
9. Nat King Cole
10. The Atomic Fireballs
11. Duke Ellington

10 things about me physically
1. my hair has been called auburn, red, blonde, strawberry blone, and light brown
2. 5'5 1/2"
3. when I got a hair "trim" yesterday, she cut off an inch or more. I'm very upset.
4. big (so I'm told) triceps
5. I have a bump on my forehead from being hit with a softball when I was 8 yrs old
6. I have a scar on my right ankle and right arm
7. strong calves
8. I pluck my eyebrows
9. I used to have a 6-pack
10. I have long fingers and toes (that latter is weird, I know)

9 good friends
1. Zach
2. Kami
3. Ashe B.
4. Leslie
5. Katie
6. Scott
7. Aaron
8. Laurel
9. there are so many more!!! and I love you all!

8 favorite foods/drinks
1. spaghetti
2. hot biscuits with butter
3. Southern sweet iced tea
4. champagne
5. wine
6. chocolate...any kind
7. fresh fruit
8. chocolate chip cookie dough (unbaked, baked, or in ice cream)

7 favorite songs (of the moment)
1. For Now - Avenue Q
2. Too Lost In You - Sugababes
3. Crazy In Love - Destiny's Child
4. Moondance - Michael Buble
5. I Gotcha - Liza With A Z
6. Love Song For No One - John Mayer
7. Eye Conqueror - Third Eye Blind

6 things that annoy you
1. most reality shows
2. diet fads
3. when people say "worsh" instead of "wash"
4. when I allow myself to freak myself out
5. when people tap their feet against the back of my chair
6. Internet pop-ups

5 things you touch everyday
1. my hair
2. my face
3. the air that whirls around me
4. food
5. water

4 shows you watch
1. Friends
2. Will & Grace
3. Gilmore Girls
4. 7th Heaven

3 hottest celebrities
1. George Clooney
2. Heath Ledger
3. Brad Pitt

2 things you love
1. acting
2. my friends and family

1 thing you hate
1. injustice

Tears and cookies.

2005-07-28T15:28:00.000-04:00

Seriously. I am incredibly emotional this week. Why? All I'm doing is crying over everything - good, bad, it doesn't matter. I just broke down while watching the series finale episode of "Boy Meets World" (I miss that show). I'm baking cookies and feeling all home-y and stuff. Geez. Am I crazy or something?

Ok.

2005-07-26T10:41:00.000-04:00

I am in a much better mood than yesterday. Partly due to the wonderful Miss Ashe B. for dinner and a movie last night (Johnny Depp is incredible) and partly due to the fantastic Miss Katie Dahl, who drew this picture for me, entitled, "So Damn Fat." Anyone remember the song?

Bad, sad mood.

2005-07-25T15:33:00.000-04:00

This post is the opposite of yesterday's. Today has just been an awful, awful day and I'm not even sure quite why. I feel disgusting and completely worthless.

I love weddings.

2005-07-24T23:49:00.000-04:00

And now I get to be in one! As a bridesmaid for Katie and Scott (thank you!). Went wedding dress shopping with Katie today - was quite the experience and a lot of fun.

Very tired now.

This has been such a lovely, wonderful day.

Heh.

2005-07-22T14:45:00.000-04:00

I just discovered that the cute dress I've had on all day is see-through in certain lights. And I don't have on a slip. Is that why several guys complimented me on it? Heh.

I'll say why more people are fantastic and awesome later today.

I'm sick. I think I have what my mom had yesterday - just a 24-hr thing, I hope. Can't wait to go home and sleep forever.

This is so much fun!

2005-07-21T19:35:00.000-04:00

Look at the previous post - please respond! I love doing this!! I'm so lucky that I get to be friends with such amazing people!!

Well, then.

2005-07-20T21:17:00.000-04:00

1. I love paper-shredders. (Guess what I did at work today?)
2. "So You Think You Can Dance..." is a pretty funny show.
3. I ordered a mini iPod. Pink. Name? Galinda....
4. I'm so tired.
5. I've learned a few things today that have made me go "hmmm."
6. I'm putting all my CDs onto iTunes. It's taking forever.
7. I'm reading a really good book.
8. I miss performing. I wish I could go back in time to shows, especially "Rumors" and "Importance of..."
9. I'm stealing one of Zach's idea. If you're reading this, post a comment and I'll reply back with why you're such an awesome fantastic person. Really, I will, I promise.

P.S.

2005-07-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

Anyone want to see "Willy Wonka..." sometime in the next few weeks?

Back in the 'Burgh, where jaywalking is legal.

2005-07-19T08:42:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am alive. Yes, I am back. Yes, I'm working at my Dad's office and filled to the brimw with "family" obligations. After this weekend comes, though, I think I should be a bit more free.

It's so wonderful to be back home. When we drove into Pittsburgh at night, I honestly started crying a little; weird, I know, but I realized how no matter where I go, my heart will always be here.

I'm loving being home, in the comfort of my own room and house. I admit, a large part of me misses The Blank, L.A., my friends there, living on my own, etc. However, an even larger part is so excited to be back here, with my family and THRILLED to see all my friends again - I didn't realize how much I missed you guys.

At work in my Dad's law firm right now - my Mom is working here, too...so odd to work with both of them (but fun!). And, ah, I'm getting back into the daily routine and ritual of an 8-5 workday in downtown Pgh...

Oh! For my birthday, my parents are buying me an iPod; what kind should I get?

I'm in Iowa.

2005-07-12T23:42:00.000-04:00

I started the day in South Dakota, where I've been since Sunday. Drove across Wyoming the day before that - drove through/by Laramie (while I was reading "The Laramie Project") - I got chills.

Honestly, I have having such an amazing time - the US is such a beautiful country and driving across it has just made me really appreciate it.

And I'm decided that my top two favorite states (because of their beauty) are New Mexcio and Wyoming. Weird, I know, but if you've been there, you'll understand. If you haven't, see my pics.

Went to Wall Drug today,which is one of the coolest places ever, honestly. Then, we went to the Badlands which was simply incredible. This land, shaped over hundreds of millions of years....just takes your breath away. My dad and I wandered around the land (off a path), it was so hot but so wonderful.

Funny story. We were out there, kinda hiking, and this little kid with an accent runs by us and says, "Are you experienced hikers." We say, "No, are you?" "Oh, yes, very." And this little squirt just starts chatting up a storm, talking about how the heat (it was really really hot) doesn't bother him because where he's from it's hot all the time. Turns out he's from Israel. So, we finish talking, say goodbye and then he shouts back to me, "Are you excited for Harry Potter?" Ha ha!! It was so hilarious - I'm not excited about HP (I don't read them), but I said, "Yeah, are you?" And he went off talking again. It was adorable. I've seen so many cute kids on this trip; the other night I dreamt that I carried a baby around the whole night - I woke up with this maternal instinct/feeling, really wanting to hold a baby. Dear Lord, already? That (hopefully) will not come for a looooong time (though I can't wait!).

Wow, I've written a lot. I need to go to bed now - I honestly have no idea what time or day it is - we changed time zones today and I'm all mixed up. Time to sleep. Then, wake up at 5:30 am again to hit the road (I think we're trying to do a 10-hr driving day tomorrow)...

On the road again...

2005-07-09T01:55:00.000-04:00

CourtK has left L.A. My stage management gig with "Book of Liz" went really well - I actually controlled the light and sound boards, which was so cool.

San Francisco was awesome - my grandmother, aunt, and uncle are in the middle of a big house renovation and it's looking wonderful. Had a party on the 4th - yay for my 20th birthday!! And, happy 20th to Leanne and happy 21st to Gerrit! Can't believe I can say, "Yeah, I'm in my twenties," now...the next time I reach a digit of ten, I'll be 30. Wow. I remember when I turned 10 and thought about how long it would be until I reached 20...amazing how time flies, huh?

Currently in Salt Lake City - so amazing!! Coming in, salt compltely covers the ground, and it looks like ice in wintertime or something (you can see it once I get my pics up) - then, of course, you get out of the car and the 90-some degree heat slaps you in the face and you realize that it is definitely not winter.

Can't belive my L.A. experience came and went so fast...looking forward to getting home and seeing the rest of my family and all my friends - I miss you guys so much.

Fantastic.

2005-06-27T05:02:00.000-04:00

Ok. I had one of the most amazing nights of my life. The last final performance and wrap up party. Each intern got 2 roses from our Production Stage Manager and at the end of the show, we were taken up on stage and introduced (by name) and given a t-shirt.

The party was equally amazing and I realized how much I can't wait to be in my mid-twenties, going to parties and clubs and such and living this life that is so amazing. But, for the time being, I'm enjoying my final week as a teen.

Check out the pics.

And tomorrow through Wednesday...strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrike!

Pathetic.

2005-06-26T03:01:00.000-04:00

*Note: The following is a total stream of consciousness. And, I really am having the time of my life, but I feel like writing in this emo-y mood. Also, the following will most likely be horrible horrible horrible, so don't make fun of me (if you read it) - it's not meant to be anything. It's a blog entry, but with line breaks. Yeah.

I have trust,
and I have patience.

Honestly, I do.

Screw it.
Or maybe me.
What?
I didn’t mean that.

I hate love songs.

23, 24 or 25 years?
Take your pick.
Nope, you’re wrong,
19.
Teen.
I’ve skipped five years.
Have I really?
That’s pathetic,
but true.
Not really.

I’m reliving memories that are
useless and mean nothing;
except to me.
Maybe to a few others.
I’ve played them so much that
they are becoming
scratchy and losing their freshness,
like the Paula Abdul cassette tape I played
one hundred and five times.

All I’ve done for the past ten car rides is listen to the Love, Actually CD.

I screamed like a 15-year-old today,
remembering that I still have
one week
to know everything
until I turn 20
and know better than to know everything.

This is a terrible poem.
I’m not a poet, Zach is.
Why am I even writing this?
I should be expressing this in another form.
Another form.
Shoot.
I have to become a writer.
I mean, I want to become a writer.
But I suck as a writer.

Not really.

Well...

As a poet?
Yeah.
As a writer?
Let’s wait two years and see.

Stop reading now.
Seriously, this is really bad.
I apologize if you’re still reading.

It’s called stream of consciousness, dur.
Yeah, dur.

Sometimes, I think there is something wrong with me.

Mad, kinky, freaky...
You wouldn’t get that if you weren’t at YPF this year.
Sorry.

This is so emo.
Am I really writing this?
Pathetic.

I’ve said that a lot in this;
maybe I’ll call it that.

That’s a stupid idea.

I’ll do it anyway.

This is not about L.A. or Pittsburgh
or living alone
or driving the freeway,
which I still haven’t done,
or the theatre,
or the future.
It’s about something that is nothing.

And yet it means everything.

I went to the beach today.

2005-06-21T20:47:00.000-04:00

And it was wonderful. Just wonderful. Only, now, I have a nice sunburn.

Then, I made a reservation at Lulur Spa for next Friday morning. Yes, a spa. AND, it's the one that Babs goes to. Awesome.

I'm currently listening to Lo Boob Oscillator and thinking of and missing Zach.

Now, going to finish watching In Good Company. I am in love with Topher Grace.

Time is flying,

2005-06-20T02:27:00.000-04:00

I am done being a stage manager for the Young Playwrights Festival. Now, I will just be a run crew member. However, I am going to stay an extra weekend in L.A. to stage manage their mainstage show (so exciting! I was actually going to stay even longer and do some other stuff, but due to my car situation and stuff, I can't).

This weekend was amazing. There were a lot of trials, but it all ended up wonderful. And, I met several celebrities, including the actor who played Uncle Phil on "Fresh Prince" (the actor who played Jeffrey was in one of our shows, etc.). See my pic page tomorrow when I update it.

However, I'm a bit sad at the moment - all the casts went out tonight (as is tradition) and, as is tradition for us, the interns didn't go even though everyone asked us to. The past two weeks, it didn't bother me, not going; but I really wanted to this week. I would have gone, but since none of the other interns were going, I would have had to have gone over by myself, parked alone, walked to the place, etc. etc....safety-wise not too cool. However, next week, after the final performance, there is a huge party with everyone invovled with the festival and we will all be attending that, so that should be really awesome.

Two weeks from tomorrow I turn 20. Two weeks from today I leave L.A. How did the time go so fast?

I've learned a lot about myself during these past few weeks...I realized this driving home tonight. It's really interesting - a lot of self-realization and development has happened. It's strange and wonderful and leaves me in a curious state, anxiously awaiting my future...

Today, I...

2005-06-18T03:01:00.000-04:00

- cried 3 times, once in public
- had the worst cramps ever
- ate way too much food
- exercised, and now my muscles are sore
- dealt with theatre drama
- gotten really puzzled over what decision to make
- felt alone
- felt loved
- realized that people aren't always as they seem
- realized that people are always as they seem
- missed my parents
- missed Pittsburgh
- met Lydia aka Nurse Rosenthal from "ER"
- met Doris Roberts (see my pic website)
- saw, heard, and felt a car accident happen right next to me as I was driving home

And, now, sleep.

Friday morning blues.

2005-06-17T16:27:00.000-04:00

So, yeah, I had a bit of homesickness this morning. Part of it was because I was sick anyway, had spent the night alone, and am having to make a few difficult decisions - talked to my parents and after I hung up, just felt so....empty. This was the first time since I came out here that I really really really wanted to just go home. Right now, I would give anything to hug my parents and be back in the 'Burgh.

But, alas, that will not happen anytime soon. On the upside, I'm really doing wonderful out here, really. Some very good things are happening (once they are confirmed, I'll post about them), but it's all a bit stressful, too. Send me good thoughts, if you have the time.

And to everyone who reads this blog: I miss and love you.

Finding Neverland

2005-06-08T00:36:00.000-04:00

Is an amazing film.

More pics!

2005-06-07T20:27:00.000-04:00

Go to...this link. You can see pics
from Week 1 of the Festival.

The blonde man in the first few pics is the Artistic Director of The
Blank and the one who personally hired all of the interns. A few pics later, there
is a group of photos of teenage-looking people - these are my actors from "The Room
Next Door," one of the shows that I stage managed.

Then, there are some pics of us interns (dressed all in black, of course!). Then,
the last set of cast photos (not the hospital-looking one) are my actors (I'm in the
last pic, too) from "Escaping Chinatown," another show I SMed. Wa-hoo!

Now I am going to continue my lazy, non-work day by:
- finishing laundry
- making dinner
- eating dinner
- reading a novel
- watching "Finding Neverland"

First Final Performance

2005-06-06T02:41:00.000-04:00

Well, it's 11:30 Sunday night and the first round (out of four) of performances is officially over. Kinda sad, I admit. There wasn't really a cast party (a few people went out to a pub, but due to our crazy schedule, the interns decided that the mature thing to do was to go home to sleep, do work and prepare for the upcoming madness. Sigh.). But, anyway, there is a huge party at the end of the four weeks, so that should be fun.

Anyway, I updated my photo website with pics of my directors, casts, fellow interns, etc., so take a look. Everyone was so kind - and I got them all to sign my program!

Also, yes, I have seen a few famous people - the actress who played Miss Texas in "Miss Congeniality," Nurse Rosenthal from "ER," and a few others (people from "Dawson's Creek" and "Joan of Arcadia") - all very exciting.

I'm having such a fun time - I wish it could last forever.

In other news, Happy 20th Birthday to Kam and Zach!!

The Smog City Update

2005-05-27T00:14:00.000-04:00

Hello my lovely little blog, you. It's been a while since I last updated, because I have been so busy!! Waking up early, getting home late, you know the drill. However, can I just say how much I am enjoying myself? I am so incredibly happy, it's unbelievable.

I am currently stage managing one show, and co-stage managing another. It's amazing. I'm learning so much, using my skills, etc. And, yes, I am meeting several film/tv people (so cool!).

The craziness will be upped one more level next week, once we start into the actual productions. Ok, so, for the next four weeks (starting this Monday), we have productions going up every weekend (Thursday, Friday, Saturday @ 8 pm, Sunday at 2 & 7 pm). Thus, we have a tech day on Wednesday and dress on Thursday during the day. Not too bad, you say? Well, imagine having all that production stuff PLUS rehearsing for another show, which will go up the following weekend! Yeah, it's that crazy. But it's awesome crazy, I absolutely love it.

I'm learning so much, meeting so many people and getting close to them. This is one of the best experiences of my life, honestly. Even just living out here by myself; the Gruners are fabulous people, and I'm so thankful to be living in their home. But, I mean, I really am by the myself out here, otherwise. It's this incredible feeling of independence, which I have never experienced before. No, I haven't gotten homesick (yet?). Yes, I have been nostalgic for my family and friends.

For instance, lately, I've been slipping into my normal self around the other interns (who are all awesome!) - by normal self, I mean saying, "w00ter!" "rock the hizzle" "party in a box" "ricca-ricca-rocks" etc. Now, no one gets that here. They laugh at and accept me for it, but I miss the people who understand the meaning behind those phrases, you know?

Oh, and weird side story, yesterday, in our building where our production office is located (which is very reminiscient (spelling!) of a NYC office w/ auditions constantly running, etc.), there was a very distinctive smell in the air (a good, home-y, cozy smell) that reminded me so much of Kaitlin G.'s apartment that I was flipping out. Ever smell a certain scent, then a hundred memories come rushing back to you with enough force to knock you into a dream-like place? That was me yesterday. It made me feel all warm and happy, though. :)

The driving is going really well, too. I haven't done the freeway (yet?), but I've been scooting around all over the place otherwise. Oh, and the smog here is ridonkulous! Like, I washed my car 2 days ago, and already it is covered in filth, blah!

The only (very very very small) bad side? I don't have any time to see the sights or go to the beach! I'm finding myself falling upon landmarks by accident - the other day, myself and another intern went to pick up some flyers; I look down at the sidewalk and went, "Is, is this the - the..." "Oh, yeah, " she replied breezily, being a native L.A.-er. "The Walk of Fame." (or whatever the heck it's called, I know, I know, I should know that.) However, I do have a great view from my work - the famous Hollywood sign.

Ok, well, now that I've written a book, I'm going to read a book - everyone is all book-crazy this summer and that's what I intend to be once I get home. I just finished a guilty pleasure of John Grisham's "The Rainmaker" (which, actually, I loved) and am now onto "Escape from Slavery" by Francis Bok - so far, AMAZING. It's his real account of how he was taken into slavery in Sudan in 1986 - I'm only at the beginning, but am in love with it.

So, so tired. But, so, so happy. I miss everyone, hope that all is well and can't wait to see everyone when I get home. But, at the same time, I'm really enjoying this experience - I have a feeling it'll be over before I know it. I have to end with this lyric, because it's truly how I feel, "I couldn't be happier...simply, couldn't be happier...because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true."

Taken from Z. Paul Harris.

2005-05-20T00:21:00.000-04:00

I have my first free moment to totally chill. And this is what I choose to do...pathetic.

LAYER ONE:

full name: Courtney Germaux Kochuba
birth date: July 4, 1985
birthplace: Pittsburgh, PA
current location: Currently L.A., but I live in Pgh
eye color: brown
hair color: Oh, Lord, who knows. I call it light auburn, some say red with blonde streaks, some say brown...it's a constant debate
height: 5'5"
Righty or lefty: Righty.

LAYER TWO:

your heritage: 50% Polish. The other 50% is mainly French (from Alsace-Lorraine) then English and German
the shoes you wore today: My old but sturdy Nikes
your weaknesses: Hm...I have many. Perhaps being too trusting at times. Driving too fast and taking L.A. left turns...
your perfect pizza: Oh, dear...Pepperoni, sausage and onions. My mouth is watering.
goal you'd like to achieve: Ultimately giving something really big back to the community through a non-profit organization, becoming a Lutheran minister (I've really thought about it), or smthg like that. Selfishly, I want to win some type of performance award.

LAYER THREE:

your most overused phrase on AIM: I don't know..."awesomeness"?
your thoughts first waking up: I want to slip back into my dream.
your bedtime: Ha ha, lately 2 am, normally, midnight.
your most missed memory: What does that even mean? Um...I guess time with my Grandma, who passed away when I was 16.

LAYER FOUR:

pepsi or coke: Depends. Do I want traditional coke, which is like coming home. Or sexy, cool pepsi that reminds me of Britney?
mcdonald's or burger king: Wendy's.
single or group dates: Never had either, so there we go.
adidas or nike: Nike.
iced tea or nestea: As long as it's diet, it doesn't matter.
chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate!!!
cappuccino or coffee: Latte with flavoring like vanilla or hazlenut or chocolate!

LAYER FIVE:

smoke: I sometimes like the smell of cigarettes and cloves, but I refuse to smoke.
curse: By that do you mean, "Sugar!"?
sing: ALL THE TIME.
take a shower everyday: Everyday, unless I'm just staying in and no one is going to see and I feel like being lazy and stuff.
have a crush: Perhaps...
do you think you've been in love: nope
do you want to go to college?: I did and I am.
like(d) high school: You know what? I really did.
want to get married: Most definitely yes.
believe in yourself: Yes!
think you're attractive: On most days....yes.
think you're a health freak: Um...no? Well, sometimes...really been trying to stay healthy and all, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the occasional chocolate.
get along with your parent(s): Absolutely.
like thunderstorms: Terrified of them.
play an instrument: I played trombone for about 10 years.

LAYER SIX:

In the past month...

drank alcohol: Heh...yeah.
smoked: No.
done a drug: No.
made out: Actually, yes.
gone on a date: Nope.
gone to the mall?: Yep.
eaten an entire box of oreos: Odd question, but no.
eaten sushi: Nope.
been dumped: Nope.
gone skating: Nope.
made homemade cookies: Nope.
gone skinny dipping: Ha ha, no - I think I would like to do that sometime though...eh, maybe not.
dyed your hair: Nope.
stolen anything: No.

LAYER SEVEN:

Ever...

played a game that required removal of clothing: No. I would...never
if so, was it mixed company: Look above.
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Um...yes, actually.
been caught "doing something": No...oh wait...maybe, yes? Heh.
been called a tease: Riiiiight. (that's a no)
gotten beaten up: Dear Lord, who are you and why are you asking these questions?
shoplifted: I'm not Z. Paul. (Just kidding bizzle, I love you!)
changed who you were to fit in: No actually, just the opposite.

LAYER EIGHT:

age you hope to be married: I don't have an age. But, I want to be married.
numbers and names of children: Um, I don't have a number - used to think 3, but it really doesn't matters. Names? Perhaps Caleb, Emma, Theo, Imgogen. Ok, not that last one, but it's a real name, I swear.
describe your dream wedding: I don't have enough time to type it. But it's all planned out. It's romantic, late-afternoon with an elegant party to follow-up. I will be very very very rich when I have this wedding. Then, I will be broke. But it will be worth it. I have it all planned out...just need the groom.
how do you want to die: Peacefully.
where you want to go to college: CMU's cool.
what do you want to be when you grow up: Actress, writer, director.
what country would you most like to visit: France.

Incredible.

2005-05-17T23:51:00.000-04:00

I had one of the most amazing days of my life. I started my internship at The Blank. It's wonderful. The people are incredibly, nice, creative. All of the interns are awesome, too - strangely enough, one of them is from Pgh! And he is friends with one of my friends, very odd.

Anyway, it's going to be a 24/7 job - so exciting. I start with my play tomorrow - kinda nervous, but really excited. I can't believe I'm getting this oppertunity. I have a feeling that the next few weeks will be a total blur....but an amazing, fantastic one.

The only bad part of today was running into a cactus. Really. I have prickles all over my arm.

My day also started strangely. I had a....werid (yeah, let's just call it that) dream last night. I won't go into more detail, but I think my hormones are running crazy...

I'm so happy. :D

Yeah.

2005-05-13T21:54:00.000-04:00

Definitely more than tipsy.

My Mom is the greatest. Ever.

2005-05-13T21:36:00.000-04:00

I have had a whirlwind of emotions go through my body during the past two days. Anger, hurt, confusion, happiness. Are those all emotions? Whatevs. Anyway, the end result is that I am incredibly, incredibly happy. We saw The Blank yesterday during the day, then went to the show last night - it was amazing! I'm so thrilled to start this internship.

Tomorrow, I move into Helen's house (thank goodness for her and her family!). Then, my Mom leaves. I have to admit, I am sad. She and I have been together nonstop for the past week - you would think it would get tiring, but it hasn't at all. And, we (nor me and my Dad) have never been apart for more than, like, 4 or 5 weeks - it'll be 7 weeks until I see them again. It'll be good for all of us, I know, but it will also be a little sad.

Anyway, my Mom totally rocks. We just killed a bottle of wine in our hotel room, and we had Mike's Hard Lemonade 2 nights ago (if I remember correctly, there are still 2 bottles in the mini-fridge...), saki last night, wine coolers a few nights ago. Wow. I can't believe we had all that. Whatevs, it was awesome. She's incredible. I can't believe how lucky I am to have a mom like her. I just hope that whenever I become a mom, I'm half as cool and half as amazing as her. Whenever I mention this to her, she laughs and says, "Why? Because I let you drink?" "No," I respond. "Because you're one of my best friends. And I think that's the greatest thing that a parent can achieve."

Sigh. It's almost 7 o'clock here, we're in for the night. May hit up the hot tub later, but will probably just eat chocolate and fruit, read our novels and watch some tv - maybe rent a movie. And sleep. Lots of sleep.

I can't believe that I'm here. I can't believe that my Mom is leaving on Sunday. I can't believe that our road trip is over. I can't believe that I'm going to be here, in L.A., by myself. I can't believe it's all real.

I'm happily, warmly tispy. Yay.

CourtK in L.A.!!!

2005-05-11T17:06:00.000-04:00

After 6 days of traveling across the country, my mom and I made it to L.A.! I'll tell you, this has been one of the best and most incredible experiences of my life. To actually see how the land changes across the U.S., experience the desert, see the Grand Canyon, etc. - how amazing. New Mexico's land was my favorite, by far - so gorgeous. NM was also quite awesome as I drove 95 mph - fantastic.

My mom and I pulled into L.A. around noon today - our hotel here is so great - it has a little separate living room and all. We unloaded, grabbed a burger and shake at this local hamburger joint, and are now settling in to collaspe. Driving is tiresome - seriously, every night that we traveled, we were major losers and went to bed way way way early (then again, we were getting up at 4 and 5 AM). Tonight, I think we're going to the beach - yay!!!

Oh, the freeway here is RIDONKULOUS. My mom drove it coming in....I don't know if I will be able to handle it...ahhhh!!! I'm so delirious right now. This is all like a dream, it feels like that anyway - I'm really in L.A., CA - this time last week, I was packing up my stuff to move from Mudge to my home. How time flies.

I got the Production Manual for The Blank and it looks awesome - a very supporative arts community -- I can't wait to start. My mom and I are going there tomorrow night to see David and Lisa Sedaris' play, so that should be fun.

Alright, I am now going to nap. Maybe post some pictures first - if I do, I'll put up a link here.

Woooooooooooooo!!! I'm in L.A.!!

On the road...

2005-05-07T21:06:00.000-04:00

Yay for free Internet service at Best Western Inn & Suites. I'm here in Oklahoma City - my mom and I saw the Oklahoma City Memorial today - for the Oklahoma City Bombing. It was incredible. Words cannot describe this memorial - it is truly beautiful, creating a a serene sense full of respect and calmness. The museum is also fantastic - I don't think you could walk through there without crying some - they literally take you through the day of the bombing, beginning with the normal stuff, ending up the rescues, etc. It was amazing.

We drove 12+ hrs yesterday to Pontoon Beach, IL and 8+ hrs today - very tired and getting sick - I have a slight fever and sore throat -- always fun in the car.

Interesting stories constantly arising - at our first rest stop yesterday, I was waiting in the ladies' room (all the stalls were taken) and one stall opens. A guy about my age walks out. He just stares at me and says, "Oh!" I calmly open the door to restroom, and point to it, looking at him. "Yeah, this is the women's room." Well, he just ran out of there.

Then, yesterday, we stopped at a little market place in IL, and this guy was ordering fried chicken (yes, they sell fried chicken and hard boiled eggs at gas stations here). He said, "Oh, not that piece. I only have 2 teeth, so it's kinda hard to chew tough stuff." Oh, IL.

The land here is so frickin' flat, too!!! I almost feel claustrophobic, knowing that closest ocean is more than 8 hours away....

Going to Alburquerque tomorrow. Wa-hoo!! Hopefully, my illness will be gone by then....

Whoa.

2005-05-05T20:50:00.000-04:00

- I finished my sophomore year at CMU. I am now halfway through my CMU career. Where did the time go?

- Ashe and I did "Popular" at Woodscotch (where I won a Kudos! Yayness!)

- Katie and Scott got ENGAGED at Woodscotch!!! It was the most magical thing I've ever seen - Kam, Danielle, Laurel and I just burst into tears. Oh, they are going to have such a fantastic marriage.

- At the awesome post-Woodscotch party, I realized just how sad I am to see all the seniors go. I can't believe they're leaving. I'm going to miss them so much.

- The '05-'06 Board passed its first show - "Children of Eden," directed by Kam and Alex O. It is going to be wonderful, I know it. To get in the mood, I blasted the CD today - made me remember the wonderful summer that I performed in it (as Aphra, Noah's pregnant daughter-in-law).

- After the proposal meeting, Danielle, Ashe, Connor, Matt, Yin and I went to Eat 'n Park - was quite an enjoyable way to end my sophomore year.

- As I packed today (being extremely, extremely, extremely tired) I would occasionally break into tears. Why am I so flippin' emotional? Sad to leave my friends for the summer? Sad to see the seniors go? Sad to have only gotten to be home for one day, then have to pack my bags and leave for Hollywood? (ok, I have to admit, that last sentence just sounded so cool.) I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired, and the idea of driving across country to L.A. is terrifingly wonderful. Or wonderfully terrifing. Are those real words?

- I'm basically all done packing. I'm hungry. I'm tired. And I can't wait to get into the car tomorrow (my mama and I are leaving at 6 am!!) and sleep. Wow, one week, then I'm there, starting to work for professionals. I'm starting to get nervous....and excited. Very very excited.

- I don't know if this post made any sense, I'm exhausted. And my exhaustion is making me very confused. Anyway, here we go!!

STRESSED OUT.

2005-05-02T14:34:00.000-04:00

What was I thinking when I wrote that post last night? The only thing that's happy right now is the fact that I'm burning calories from worrying so much.

Style is over. That's good. But the final exam was just "eh."

I've almost thrown up 3 times today from stress. And it's starting to hit me that I'm leaving Friday. Crap.

I know, I know, I'm actually in a really good position. I'm not sick (well, ok, I actually may be getting sick again), no one in my family is sick or in a bad situation, I have shelter, clothes, food, etc. Maybe if I think of all that, this stress from school will fade away...

Happiness.

2005-05-01T22:35:00.000-04:00

The Board sleepover/Ritters' breakfast was so much fun. We ate tons of junk food, played Loaded Questions (which was amazingly fun), went to Ritters' at 4 in the morning (at which time, the diner was crowded! There was even a family there with children! At 4 am!). The old Board named the new SnS Scene Shop "Zoot Alley." The new Board declared the last Sunday in February as Mike and Mic's (did I spell that right?) Birthday!

The sleepover was a lot of fun, too. I felt like I was back in high school, with all the silly giggling and laughing and such. I feel asleep listening to Matt J talk about stage pranks that were played on him. I woke up to people whispering and laughing and I just felt so...calm. And happy. It was wonderful.

Survivor is over. Aaron won and I couldn't be happier - I hope that ColdStone was good!

I ran home today and had a yummy, homemade dinner. Now, I'm so exhausted...and looking at this upcoming week only tires me more. I leave for Hollywood this Friday. Before then, I must finish:
1. A Style final exam
2. A Screenwriting project
3. 2 Philosophy essays
4. 1 IP essay

Also, I have to pack to go home and pack to go to L.A. How am I going to get it all done? I have no idea, but I tell ya, I will!!

And, now, to prepare myself, I am going to sleep and dreaming of warm California days.

One week from today, I will be on my way to L.A.

2005-04-30T00:41:00.000-04:00

I can't wait.

11 Scripts!!!!

2005-04-28T08:06:00.000-04:00

Yeah, Homecoming Proposals.

I just got my Internet back after it going out last night around 5:00. It's pathetic what a wreck a was - how dependent are we on the Internet? But, it did leave me in peace, forcing me to work on things, and go to bed early, so that wasn't too bad.

I'm going from zone to zone, I realized. Currently, I'm in the friend-college-craziness zone. Soon, I will move to Mom zone when my Mom and I drive cross country in a week. Then, I'll be in the alone zone, all by my lonesome in L.A. Kinda scary, exciting, nerve-wracking and awesome at the same time.

Things need to speed up. I can't wait for summer to begin.

I had my what I would consider my first and only anxiety attack the other day. It probably wasn't a true anxiety attack, but it sure came close.

I was thinking, I wish we still wore the 1950's fashions. I would look pretty darn cute in a high-waisted, calf-length skirt and a three-quater length top. And those adorable sweater sets!! Eh, the guys' letter jackets I could do without, but whatevever.

Why am I getting sick? I can't be getting sick!

In my dream last night, Scoot and Yin took the fence and were being all weird and funny, like they are.

I should go read scripts now. Aw, last day of Lit Journ and IP.

And, I'm off!

One is Hashem....ooh ah ooh ooh ah!

2005-04-23T23:04:00.000-04:00

I love Zach, Kami, and all of Zach's family's friends. Passover tonight was wonderful. Totally relaxing, full of great food, interesting awesome traditions....overall, a fantastic evening (until we walked outside and it was snowing!).

In other news, I've been elected as President for the SnS Board of '05-'06. I'm still in a bit of a state of shock. Honestly, I didn't expect; but I'm really excited for it. :)

One week left. OMG! I have so much to do. So little time.

Wait, I'm not thinking about that right now. Tonight, I am going to settle back, organize a few things, then get in bed, watch some TV and sleep. Tomorrow, the craziness will start again. Wheeeeee!

I feel like a flippin' ping pong ball.

2005-04-22T21:24:00.000-04:00

Today started off fantastically. Then, I had the one of the most delicious moments of my life. Shortly after, I felt my confidence drop to negative 100. I tried to bring it back up, it shot up to 1,000, then it dropped again. Now, I am somewhere in the middle, befuddled, half loving myself, half hating myself, very anxious, ready for summer to be here, dreading all the work I have to do, scared that things won't get done (they will, I know they will.....but, still....), just ready to hit the road to L.A. (but then, I stop and think, "what will happen once I get there? what if I suck? What if they hate me?!?"), just....ready. Waiting for life to begin? I'm stuck in the middle.

Hopefully, this cast party will raise my spirits. Blargh.

I have no idea.

2005-04-21T16:56:00.000-04:00

So, the past few days in Literary Journalism (a class in which I feel like a completely, utterly worthless writer), we have been discussing what defines our generation. After much discussion, I still have come to no conclusion. A lot of people say that we don't have apathy - is that true? A big part of me doesn't agree with that - I mean, true, we're not as fired up as the generation before us, but we definitely got into this past election, didn't we? I don't know...

Then, many of the essays focused on how our generation has no drive, no motive, no big dreams - one essay (that was really interesting and well-written) said, "No one says, I want to be a mother-f---- rock star." And, to make up for this drive, people just do drugs and drink alcohol all the time. That's our generation.

As I sat in class, I felt like I was completely on the other side of the fence. I have a drive. I want to be an actress, writer, and director. I have big frickin' dreams and I'll tell anyone about it. And, I don't get wasted or high all the time (or...ever, I suppose). Does that make me odd? Am I an expection to our motive-less generation? (And that question isn't meant to make me sound better than anyone else, just to clarify) I sat in class, pondering these thoughts, I wondered, if that were true, was I really missing something? I feel like I have a wonderful life - then there are times when I think, am I missing something? I've never had a boyfriend (or really, to be honest, even a date)...some of my friends (not CMU people) feel that this is a big thing. There are other, small things that I sometimes wonder if my life is lacking....but, no one can have everything, right? At least, no one can have everything all at once (is that even necessarily true?) but does everyone get everything at some point in their life? So will these so-called motive-less people eventually get a motive?

And, I'm not trying to be unique or stand out from the rest of my "generation" (what does that even mean, anyway? generation? how would you define it?) - I feel like many of my close friends feel the same way. I believe that they have goals, motives, are wonderful, intelligent people who have a purpose in life and going to get what they go after - achieve all their dreams. So, is our generation really motive-less (is that a word?)? I don't think so...but it seems like a lot of people do. Now, I'm just pondering what all this means, what will future generations be like, how will our generation affect the future, what will we all be doing when we are 30, 40, 50, 60 years old?

Ok, I feel like I'm just going in circles. This whole entry really didn't make any sense - total stream of consciousness (which I cannot spell). These aren't real questions, so I'm not looking for real answers. This idea has just really got me thinking....

But, hey, that's what journals are for. Thinking.